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[–] 2 pts (edited )

It is our God-Given right as Americans to own spoons, nobody is disagreeing with this. But when the Founding Fathers first wrote this write into the constitution, they imagined our spoons would be filled with porridge or stew; They could not imagine a modern High-Capacity American Spork, laden with white gravy and Nashville Hot Chicken, or the effects it could have on our society. For this reason, we need common-sense Spoon Legislation. Nobody in America needs an Ultra-Deep Ice Cream scoop, capable of ladling 15 servings of potato salad a minute. And that is why I am signing this bill into law today.

-Barack Obama

[–] 3 pts

Certainly, no one should own a fully-semi-automatic spoon!