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I may have lost a necklace given to my Girlfriend by her Grandmother, a golden chain with three golden rings around it, one for each granddaughter she had...

I don't think I did, but I may have.

To preface this, my girlfriend has a lot of jewelry. Not super expensive shit, mostly just family stuff passed down through the generations, stuff that is pretty much worthless while also completely irreplaceable.

She intermingles the irreplaceable priceless family jewelry with random totally replaceable jewelry she buys from Target, flea markets, and yard sales.

And she is kinda sloppy about organizing it. She has a jewelry box, but she also keeps a lot of random jewelry in the bathroom, on the window sill, as that is where she gets ready for work, a bunch on her wardrobe, and she also randomly takes off jewelry and puts it on the side tables next to the couch when she is off work. So I'm not convinced it is truly lost, I think it may have been misplaced.

But maybe it wasn't.

She also kept some on top of her jewelry box, wrapped in paper towels.

Old Theo had to take a shit real bad, and Old Theo noticed there was no remaining toilet paper. So, wisely, before he took the shit, he unwrapped the jewelry from the paper towels and used the paper towels to wipe when he was done.

I'm damn near positive there was no jewelry left in the paper towel when I wiped. But I can't be 100%. We have a lot of cats that like to bat around shiny objects, so I'm about to tear apart our room to look for this jewelry, thinking that it may be under a bed.

My girlfriend doesn't know that I used those paper towels to wipe my ass. She assumes it was part of the room cleaning I did that day.

My question to you is, if I can't find the necklace, do I come clean and tell her it has been flushed? Or do I let her believe that it was me absentmindedly throwing away paper towels while cleaning the room?

I may have lost a necklace given to my Girlfriend by her Grandmother, a golden chain with three golden rings around it, one for each granddaughter she had... I don't think I did, but I may have. To preface this, my girlfriend has a lot of jewelry. Not super expensive shit, mostly just family stuff passed down through the generations, stuff that is pretty much worthless while also completely irreplaceable. She intermingles the irreplaceable priceless family jewelry with random totally replaceable jewelry she buys from Target, flea markets, and yard sales. And she is kinda sloppy about organizing it. She has a jewelry box, but she also keeps a lot of random jewelry in the bathroom, on the window sill, as that is where she gets ready for work, a bunch on her wardrobe, and she also randomly takes off jewelry and puts it on the side tables next to the couch when she is off work. So I'm not convinced it is truly lost, I think it may have been misplaced. But maybe it wasn't. She also kept some on top of her jewelry box, wrapped in paper towels. Old Theo had to take a shit real bad, and Old Theo noticed there was no remaining toilet paper. So, wisely, before he took the shit, he unwrapped the jewelry from the paper towels and used the paper towels to wipe when he was done. I'm damn near positive there was no jewelry left in the paper towel when I wiped. But I can't be 100%. We have a lot of cats that like to bat around shiny objects, so I'm about to tear apart our room to look for this jewelry, thinking that it may be under a bed. My girlfriend doesn't know that I used those paper towels to wipe my ass. She assumes it was part of the room cleaning I did that day. My question to you is, if I can't find the necklace, do I come clean and tell her it has been flushed? Or do I let her believe that it was me absentmindedly throwing away paper towels while cleaning the room?

(post is archived)

[–] 8 pts

I mean if you flushed it, is there a chance its stuck in the s trap?

[–] 1 pt

Good point. I guess dismantling a coat-hanger would be the best option for that?

A lot of flushes have happened in between, but gold is a pretty dense metal, and my shits are mostly liquid, so that might work.

[–] [deleted] 6 pts

Bro you gotta smack that S bend open with a hammer. No time to wait. Gotta fix this fast oh fuck oh fuckohfuck ufco oh fuck

[–] 2 pts

I thought it was a U-trap, not an S-bend?

[–] 2 pts

Make it a Hook and start fishing, honestly it seems more likely it didn’t get flushed. Would you really be able to flush that and not notice?

[–] 3 pts

I used to notice gold chains up my ass, it was the only thing that got me off. But, then, my sensitivity waned, and I had to switch to platinum chains, studded with diamonds.

So no, I would've not noticed a golden chain against my ass.

and my shits are mostly liquid

You might want to get checked for gut parasites.

[–] 1 pt

I don't know about that. I'd feel like my tapeworms would object.

[–] 0 pt

Not a chance. It would be more likely to stick to his asshole.

[–] [deleted] 7 pts

i sure would notice 3 rings and a necklace while wiping my ass

[–] 6 pts

Yeah, but TheodoreKent rich as shit and wipe his ass with Golden Chains on a daily basis.

Just like the rappers do.

[–] 4 pts

RAPPERS CRAPPERS!

Next on The History Channel!

[–] 5 pts

You can honestly say you do not know where it is.

[–] 2 pts

That kind of seems like the omission of a lie rather than honesty.

no u. I thought you were in it 2 win it

[–] 0 pt

Win at what cost?

Dishonesty?

Lying to people is far too easy.

Telling the truth, that is fucking hard.

[–] [deleted] 4 pts

Just put if off indefinitely and switch topics whenever she wants to discuss it. That's the most longterm solution I can think of. Wait, no, break up with her.

[–] 4 pts

Push come to shove just say that the necklace did not have rings for the miscarriages and that her mama was a whore.

So deflect to the argument that her mama was a whore.

Better situation?

I think so.

I should start a sub for relationship advice.

[–] 3 pts

There's a slight chance you shoved it up your ass. Have you looked in your ass?

[–] 5 pts

Searching hard and fast now.

[–] 3 pts

Slim chance it would be there. Doesn't hurt to look. Or might hurt a little...lol

[–] 1 pt

NO PAIN NO GAIN!!

[–] 3 pts

Wait...Theo is a character. So this isn't real, is it?

[–] [deleted] 4 pts

...haaaaa ha haaaa. Oh you, dear.

[–] 2 pts

Seriously, I'm hoping this is a joke.

[–] [deleted] 3 pts

Theo's one of the realest niggaz I know tbqh fam

[–] 1 pt

Theo's all full of fun and games until he needs his friends for real life advice.

All those times I joke about being a faggot?

Totally funny and fake.

This question right here?

Totally real and gay.

[–] 2 pts

It could turn up. I thought I may have lost a pair of ratings down the drain because I searched everywhere and tgey were nowhere and the last place I had remembered seeing them was by the sink. Months later I found them in the bottom of the hamper next to the sink and I know I had checked there.

In reality I'd tell but also what good will that do?

[–] 3 pts

Tell me where they are, I know you're holding out on me.

[–] 1 pt

If I knew so promise I would tell you.

Maybe it won't show up, I had a bracelet that never did even after cleaning up and moving.

Good luck though.

[–] 2 pts

I feel as though you wouldn't mistakenly flush it. However, if you cannot find it anywhere else, admit that as a possibility.

[–] 1 pt

Not really your fault. She is sloppy.

Also, why are you cohabiting with a woman to whom you are not married?

[–] 1 pt

Are you seriously going to a bunch of random people on the internet and asking them if you should be honest to your girl or not?

[–] 0 pt

Are you seriously asking if I have ever been serious?

[–] 1 pt

Are you seriously serious right now?

[–] 0 pt

What if I wasn't?

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