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I will start this by saying I dont need your sympathy for this...I have come to terms with what it is.

What I need from you, because you all for the most part are decent people....real people that on voat helped me, and maybe you can now.

So some you know from my past submissions of voat (adhdferret and later AR47) that i had a less than best childhood. Was beaten for al.ost a decade of myife when it began, and then some more by others.

Just what it was, and my mother and step father were the ones that did this. There is documentation of it in court records when I was a ward of the state after the last beating that almost killed me.

If you need accounts of this I can relay them to you in comments but I will warn you it is going to be hard to read.

Today....she contacts me out of the blue telling me she has cancer and needs her affairs in order to make her will and she needs my contact info.

Keep in mind she has never done a thing for me save giving me birth, but for that I have been her punching bag....lied to when there is documentation of the opposite.

I told her no....I don't want anything from her. Gone this long without it, and I dont need it now. Asssume her role for what she has left and know that she is absolved from the burden of my well being.

Then it starts.....the psychopath in her gets to working. Dismissive of all things.....saying that everyone else made shit up, and she was a good mother.

The court, my father, and that she was forced to give me up....i.linked the court case as I have it scanned and saved....she says that isn't it.

It is all made up.....that it is my fault I believed all those lies about her.

Well last time she did see me was when I allowed her to hold my son and I got a picture of it, before she attacked my wife and I broke off all contact.

I told her that if she does indeed believe in God then he will have the decision to forgive her and in so she can do it herself as well.

I did long ago, and didn't want anything from her, but what she could have given me....a mother.

When she does pass I will mourn her, and I am going to frame that picture of her and her grandson to place on her stone.

Because I don't need to remember bad of a dead person...just for what she was that moment...what she did that day.

Then she said I won't get a fucking thing from her ever.....people I cried and I dont do that....not from emotional shit.

I bottle it up like a man does.....but I told her to just leave and take all that with her, as I didn't need her then, and I dont later.

I burned a bridge. Fueled by my own tears, my own feelings and made the decision for my son along with it, which as a father I vowed not to do.....I don't see any other way to protect him from what she really is.

So hopefully I did right....I don't know, but its done now.

Thank you for reading this, and I value your input on this either way.

I will start this by saying I dont need your sympathy for this...I have come to terms with what it is. What I need from you, because you all for the most part are decent people....real people that on voat helped me, and maybe you can now. So some you know from my past submissions of voat (adhdferret and later AR47) that i had a less than best childhood. Was beaten for al.ost a decade of myife when it began, and then some more by others. Just what it was, and my mother and step father were the ones that did this. There is documentation of it in court records when I was a ward of the state after the last beating that almost killed me. If you need accounts of this I can relay them to you in comments but I will warn you it is going to be hard to read. Today....she contacts me out of the blue telling me she has cancer and needs her affairs in order to make her will and she needs my contact info. Keep in mind she has never done a thing for me save giving me birth, but for that I have been her punching bag....lied to when there is documentation of the opposite. I told her no....I don't want anything from her. Gone this long without it, and I dont need it now. Asssume her role for what she has left and know that she is absolved from the burden of my well being. Then it starts.....the psychopath in her gets to working. Dismissive of all things.....saying that everyone else made shit up, and she was a good mother. The court, my father, and that she was forced to give me up....i.linked the court case as I have it scanned and saved....she says that isn't it. It is all made up.....that it is my fault I believed all those lies about her. Well last time she did see me was when I allowed her to hold my son and I got a picture of it, before she attacked my wife and I broke off all contact. I told her that if she does indeed believe in God then he will have the decision to forgive her and in so she can do it herself as well. I did long ago, and didn't want anything from her, but what she could have given me....a mother. When she does pass I will mourn her, and I am going to frame that picture of her and her grandson to place on her stone. Because I don't need to remember bad of a dead person...just for what she was that moment...what she did that day. Then she said I won't get a fucking thing from her ever.....people I cried and I dont do that....not from emotional shit. I bottle it up like a man does.....but I told her to just leave and take all that with her, as I didn't need her then, and I dont later. I burned a bridge. Fueled by my own tears, my own feelings and made the decision for my son along with it, which as a father I vowed not to do.....I don't see any other way to protect him from what she really is. So hopefully I did right....I don't know, but its done now. Thank you for reading this, and I value your input on this either way.

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[–] [deleted] • 5 pts

Thank you stranger. That helps.

Worse part of this is that she (my mother) contacted my wife to get my attention.

The entire conversation I did screenshots so she knew what happened....now my wife feels responsible and told me she is sorry she did it, and I told her this was something she needed to do.

Something I needed to do, and it just is now.

She sucked it up and I told her she does it again tell me....dont keep it from me. That isn't what she as my wife should do.

[–] • 4 pts

Contacting your wife to get to you is another well-known tactic and I think might've been an attempt to make her the "flying monkey". Your wife shouldn't feel too bad. Again, this is what narcissists do. Yall both need to read up on NPD and understand the tactics and how to handle them.

Again, I dont usually recommend reddit, but check out their older posts in narcissistic abuse or justnomil. Just be warned to overlook shill shit. It was very helpful and therapeutic for me, though.

When you realize what they are, it helps to know that its not you that is crazy. Gaslighting is such a mental fuckery and I hate it so much.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

What is the sub link?

[–] • 1 pt
[–] • 1 pt (edited )

That's NPD in a nutshell. If they can't contact you, they'll contact others via proxy and try and manipulate them.

Same shit will happen with your son - it'll all be manipulation tactics. Why submit your son to that bullshit?

Secondly, your wife should be keeping no secrets from you. That's how narcissists drive a wedge between relationships. She shouldn't be keeping secrets from you anyway.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

I won't.

It is why I did what I did...it hurt to do it because I know with me it is final even though I didn't get resolve.

[–] • 0 pt

You get resolve from knowing you did the right thing to protect your son from manipulative horseshit, doing your deed as a father to protect him from said horseshit.

[–] • 0 pt

I completely agree with @notsee , you may want to look at borderline as well. Cut ties. Love and lead your wife.

[–] • 0 pt (edited )

I don't know the age of your kid, but understand that there's a good chance he's your mom's next attempted point of contact. I have no advice on what the best way to caution him about it is, but I'd go so far as to tell you to expect it.

my experience in family dynamics being: I found out I had a half-brother when I answered my grandfather's phone for him, and he (the brother) was calling because my physically abusive (and previously disowned) narcissist of a father goaded the kid into calling Grandpa to "check on his health, and see if they could come visit." (Multiple family members had standing restraining orders against Dear Ol' Dad, so the answer was a polite "No. Sorry for your situation, kid."

Edit: didn't see Thalassa's point below. Beat me by nine hours.