hope you find it in yourself to get well.
It started off with an honest intent, after my sponsor told me he thought I needed to go back to rehab, because I had relapsed.
Because I am an alcoholic, and I did not like what my sponsor had to say, about going back to rehab, I did the only obvious action and drank.
The moment I kept on drinking, I kept on rationalizing why I had to drink more, because that is the nature of as addict.
If I drink just more bottle of whiskey, I will be able to gather up all my things, throw out the bullshit, and enter rehab successfully
If I drink just one more bottle of whiskey, I will be able to throw out all my bullshit before trash day, and enter rehab successfully
And I keep on lying to myself, in weird ways, ways that would make no sense whatsoever to a non-alcoholic non-addict human.
I wish I could use my words to correctly describe how I feel and why I do what I am doing to a normie, but that would be impossible.
If anything, it is like having a gun, and telling you
Hey, bet you I can shoot between my toes!
And I do it once, and it feels amazing, and everyone is impressed with my sharpshooter ability.
wow, cool trick Theo, don't try that again
and then I try it again, and blow off one of my toes.
but instead of stopping the trick, I say
nope, wait, totally got it this time
and I blow off another toe
and all the people who were totally for me, totally around me, finally say
Hey Theo, you might want to stop aiming that gun at you foot
And I tell them they are right, the caliber wasn't large enough, best to use a shotgun this time instead
And what was a foot I used to stand on, slowly turns into a stump...
And all my friends and family are completely mystified as to why?
Maybe just mind your own business, and let me continue shooting this bloody stump, because one of these days, it will stop me from fucking thinking about shit I don't want to hear.