I hear you. My plan was to keep male Rottweilers and stud them out, my best good buddy was AKC registered full German rottweiler and show quality. Problem was he was a fruit, he would suck other dog weiner long before mounting a female. Oh well, I have a gay rottweiler, I'll work with it and still love him the same. Married a BEAUTIFUL vietnamese girl, accidentally found her internet history and saw she watched lesbian porn from the moment I left until the moment I got home. Suddenly the butch "best friend" she had back home or lack of ever initiating sex made sense. I'm stupid good at gardening, mechanic work, homesteading, welding, building, prospecting, fishing, canning, hunting, qualify expert every time on a rifle or pistol etc. Etc.... I'm a Master Electrician for Christ's sake. I have poor judgment in people, I'm always projecting and assume everyone has the same beliefs and integrity as myself. At least I recognize my weakness now. I'm actively trying to be poor now to "revisit my roots" if you can understand. I've been living in a Hilton for the last few years chasing prevailing wages and per diems. I need to get past a hurdle and grasp the concept that I'm allowed to thrive without being a provider and it's okay to be successful alone. I'm gonna pick myself up again, dust myself off, go get a puppy and pray to god I have the wisdom and strength to decifer who's worthy to own my heart next... I'll also give you a killer Green Chili recipe for smothering Chilli Rellanos if you like. Cincinnati chili is also something I've perfected. I experiment plenty in the kitchen but my best recipes involve a grill or a crock pot.