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Things that definitely, totally happened.

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You're picturing it wrong.

Dude was totally cool until his wife arrived and then he said I was like a fascist tom green which was ok but his wife wanted to push it and the whiskey made me bitter and I said what I said like a bitter fag and they had to go anyway and afterward I felt grown because they dont matter and I was at least honest. Then I told you guys and went to bed.

I had a hard fast rule against whiskey and now I think I want to go sober but I'm glad I broke the whiskey rule first.

Lol you were picturing me giving a speech to 20 people or something that's why you need to chill out nigga