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I feel like everyone around me only sees me as the person whose wife died and that's it. Every time i bring it up, it almost always devolves into some form of pity or something. On one hand i could stop mentioning it completely, pretend i was never married, and keep people happy. And yet, the more i am still alive, the more i dont care what people think. I just want people to stop associating me, the person, with me, the relationship that once was. And yet, I feel trapped in the vicious circle of assholes posturing and virtue signalling against my pain

I feel like everyone around me only sees me as the person whose wife died and that's it. Every time i bring it up, it almost always devolves into some form of pity or something. On one hand i could stop mentioning it completely, pretend i was never married, and keep people happy. And yet, the more i am still alive, the more i dont care what people think. I just want people to stop associating me, the person, with me, the relationship that once was. And yet, I feel trapped in the vicious circle of assholes posturing and virtue signalling against my pain

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People’s empathy has been exploited and abused for so long they no longer know how to properly express it. You may be better off starting new friendships that don’t have the context of your wife’s death as a central theme. Also, a gentle word can turn away wrath, and similarly a reassuring word can assuage feelings of pity in others. Something like, “I appreciate your concern, but I’m healing and doing a lot better. Recently, I’ve been in a much better place and feeling like my own self again. You don’t need to worry about me.” Or something to that effect. Anyway, good luck, OP. Sorry people are socially incompetent.