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I feel like everyone around me only sees me as the person whose wife died and that's it. Every time i bring it up, it almost always devolves into some form of pity or something. On one hand i could stop mentioning it completely, pretend i was never married, and keep people happy. And yet, the more i am still alive, the more i dont care what people think. I just want people to stop associating me, the person, with me, the relationship that once was. And yet, I feel trapped in the vicious circle of assholes posturing and virtue signalling against my pain

I feel like everyone around me only sees me as the person whose wife died and that's it. Every time i bring it up, it almost always devolves into some form of pity or something. On one hand i could stop mentioning it completely, pretend i was never married, and keep people happy. And yet, the more i am still alive, the more i dont care what people think. I just want people to stop associating me, the person, with me, the relationship that once was. And yet, I feel trapped in the vicious circle of assholes posturing and virtue signalling against my pain

(post is archived)

[–] • 3 pts (edited )

Been guilty of something similar to this, mostly because I don't know how to react to news of a passed loved one without being cold/insensitive...lately it goes something like "Sorry to hear about _______.", and try to move on to other conversation topics.

What on earth am I supposed to say when something like that gets brought up? Because I legitimately feel empathetic towards those who suffer loss, but it feels fake to dwell on it.

[–] [deleted] • 2 pts

Stop mentioning it to people, haven't you realized yet that people suck?

[–] • 0 pt

I guess, its the only way. Part of me knows im still young and could rebound (early 30s), but part of me loves isolationism and not dating again. The very thought of being with another woman just seems like i would be cheating on my wife. So in a way, i just have live life not giving a single fuck, and ill be set

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

You never, ever, really get over something like this but in time you will learn to live with it. That's all I have, that's all you can really do without hurting yourself....

[–] • 1 pt

I'll give you the on another thread.
To it I'll add that you stop focusing on the loss and remember the good times. Nothing wrong with being a widower unless you let it feel that way.

[–] • 0 pt

People’s empathy has been exploited and abused for so long they no longer know how to properly express it. You may be better off starting new friendships that don’t have the context of your wife’s death as a central theme. Also, a gentle word can turn away wrath, and similarly a reassuring word can assuage feelings of pity in others. Something like, “I appreciate your concern, but I’m healing and doing a lot better. Recently, I’ve been in a much better place and feeling like my own self again. You don’t need to worry about me.” Or something to that effect. Anyway, good luck, OP. Sorry people are socially incompetent.

[–] • 0 pt

stop talking about it