Going down the rabbit hole of grief | Poal: Say what you want.

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Your wife would not want you to live in the past like that fren. Your wife would want you to be happy.

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i dont drink, i used to but i became a christian in the process and stopped drinking. Now the pain is super raw, as if it happened yesterday. I know the right choice is to face my issues, but i simply dont want to. Im pretty sure my wife would have been just as devastated without me around as i am now

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I just want to give you a virtual 🤗. How lovely it is to hear a man so in love. I don't think I know anyone my age who even knows how to love like that even when the person is alive. Unfortunately most of my generation never experienced that and it's beautiful to know that it actually existed.
I'm single and doing everything on my own. When I get lonely and miss what good memories I did have , I notice that taking long walks and trying new things to cook or do helps take my mind off things. It is hard sometimes. I don't really socialize either. But I will say that even reading quotes from the greats are helpful and just thinking about interesting things like what my ancestors were like and what each person did that resulted in my existence is pretty thought provoking and helps pass the time. I know it's odd but think about how you can benefit the next generation if you have children or grandchildren. Leave behind your thumbprint.

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It's okay to speak to your wife as if she is alive. I do this with loved ones and friend's I've lost and have found it quite therapeutic.

What did the two of you enjoy doing together? Is it something you can do now, with others? In a group? If so, do that to honor your wife.

Physical exertion is great; busy hands, quiet mind kind of thing. Paint a wall, scrub grout, clean windows, etc., something that, after you're finished, you'll be able to admire and remind yourself how good it feels to accomplish something.

Get some sunshine. Open the blinds and drapes if they are closed. Get outside.

Corny, but time does heal. Good luck, I'm rooting for you.

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Sorry, im adding a bit of formatting, since its hard to read a wall.

Motivate-if you're constantly looking for excuses you won't find any solutions. There is no past. Each of us upholds a different perception of loss (past) as a belief; sold to us by those who seek control over us.

The only truth are the laws that define constant forward motion, which is what energy is; which defines all existence.

The control over us within energy, comes from us being deceived to not comprehend motion anymore, because to gain control within shared energy, those who seek control need all others to not use it (use less; not act towards potential), hence the utilization of the contract of belief to get us to not comprehend motion anymore (balance aka survial within motion demands constant adaptation), which they did by deceiving us to mentally stagnate our own comprehension with beliefs; not specific beliefs, but the act of upholding any beliefs.

Ownership claims create a hierarchy based on control (ownership; leadership, laws, law enforcement, religion, and back to more selfish ownership claims). It is the allegory of the Ouroboros (self devouring); it's selfishness breeding selfishness; it's the corruption of a temptation set into motion tempting those who want to always want more. Out of this came greed and envy...a field full of apples has no greed or envy in it. It is when one selfishly proclaims value, by free will of choice, onto one single apple; that he creates greed within self, and envy within others. "All actions have consequences within motion"...that's the 2nd natural law.

So ignorance over self (through selfishness) leads to control over others, which exponentially grows into corruptions within motion. That represents the strife within blood, based on ignoring adherence to self sustenance, and that division prevents unity between those who adhere and those who ignore. Adherence leads to unity based on shared responsibility to maintain creation (femininity and masculinity in balance lead to procreation), which is what creates roots, which are spreading out to those who also adhere to self sustenance. And meanwhile those who ignore reality, will start to opposite, because the fiction they believe will be contradicted by reality, and so they start subverting themselves and those around them by adhering to fiction.

Sorry, im adding a bit of formatting, since its hard to read a wall. Motivate-if you're constantly looking for excuses you won't find any solutions. There is no past. Each of us upholds a different perception of loss (past) as a belief; sold to us by those who seek control over us. The only truth are the laws that define constant forward motion, which is what energy is; which defines all existence. The control over us within energy, comes from us being deceived to not comprehend motion anymore, because to gain control within shared energy, those who seek control need all others to not use it (use less; not act towards potential), hence the utilization of the contract of belief to get us to not comprehend motion anymore (balance aka survial within motion demands constant adaptation), which they did by deceiving us to mentally stagnate our own comprehension with beliefs; not specific beliefs, but the act of upholding any beliefs. Ownership claims create a hierarchy based on control (ownership; leadership, laws, law enforcement, religion, and back to more selfish ownership claims). It is the allegory of the Ouroboros (self devouring); it's selfishness breeding selfishness; it's the corruption of a temptation set into motion tempting those who want to always want more. Out of this came greed and envy...a field full of apples has no greed or envy in it. It is when one selfishly proclaims value, by free will of choice, onto one single apple; that he creates greed within self, and envy within others. "All actions have consequences within motion"...that's the 2nd natural law. So ignorance over self (through selfishness) leads to control over others, which exponentially grows into corruptions within motion. That represents the strife within blood, based on ignoring adherence to self sustenance, and that division prevents unity between those who adhere and those who ignore. Adherence leads to unity based on shared responsibility to maintain creation (femininity and masculinity in balance lead to procreation), which is what creates roots, which are spreading out to those who also adhere to self sustenance. And meanwhile those who ignore reality, will start to opposite, because the fiction they believe will be contradicted by reality, and so they start subverting themselves and those around them by adhering to fiction.

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That's deep.. I'm going to try that while I lift weights.

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Wow did I write this? Sure seems like I did except mine was a year and a half ago.

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May something of what I write here be helpful to you.

First, for those that are older, it definitely was better in the past. The music was better, food was healthier, families were generally better and more stable. Things made some sense.

Second, if you are suffering from grief because you worry about where your wife is now, if she is okay, or if she can hear you I recommend reading, "Journey of Souls" by Michael Newton.

Third, find a spiritual path that truly resonates with you. If the mainstream religions turn you off, then try Vedanta, one of the variations of Buddhism (that varies all the way from incessant chanting to staring at the wall in silence), Taoism, or something even more esoteric. But whatever path it is, make sure it fulfills your heart and life in some way.

Fourth - and the hardest step - find a reason to be in the present. Whether it be to mentor a younger person, teach a skill to a group, sing with a choir, dance with the local square dance club or a thousand other options, find something that, in some way, helps others or helps you join with others.

I truly send you my best wishes. We are all better because you are here with us now. May you find your share of happiness and peace.

Good luck.

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