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I go to church, and i go to weekly bible/church meetups. I love Christianity, it seems to give me a new purpose and understanding of life. I love the church friends i have, and how everything seems to make sense. Then i leave, and you get exhibit A/B from my post history, which is some kind of deep self hatred of myself. I cant explain it, i dont personally believe it, and yet my brain feels like jumping off the deep end in terms of mental retardation. And it doesnt last forever, it only lasts for a few hours, at which time reading a couple bible chapters really helps me. So then, why the hell does my brain flip flop between being super happy and then super depressed all the time? I dont understand it

I go to church, and i go to weekly bible/church meetups. I love Christianity, it seems to give me a new purpose and understanding of life. I love the church friends i have, and how everything seems to make sense. Then i leave, and you get exhibit A/B from my post history, which is some kind of deep self hatred of myself. I cant explain it, i dont personally believe it, and yet my brain feels like jumping off the deep end in terms of mental retardation. And it doesnt last forever, it only lasts for a few hours, at which time reading a couple bible chapters really helps me. So then, why the hell does my brain flip flop between being super happy and then super depressed all the time? I dont understand it

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A lifetime of being conditioned to identify with the ego as being yourself. The past doesn't exist. Only the present. It's the mind fucking with you. They are only thoughts. Let them come and go, realizing they are only thoughts coming from a brain that is not really yours anyway. Live in the moment. Practice mindfulness and go with the flow. Service to others really helps me out. Get a feel good hit from helping others with small things all day to make their lives a tiny bit better.