I heard somewhere that Manic Depression is a frustrating mess.
Thanks, now I have an earworm. A good one but none the less.
Satan will attack you as you get deeper into a relationship with God. Tell your Pastor and be honest with him. You could be under demonic oppression.
It’s a neurological protective response. When you get too many “feel good” chemicals, your brain will try to compensate by making you feel bad, to balance out the neurochemistry.
Same reason people want to pinch (be violent) towards cute kids, or say things like “I could eat you up”.
It’s a weird phenomenon, you can look it up.
Anyways. Your strategy should work. Just try to refocus on good things, list things your grateful for if those feelings pop up.
The more you get used to the good feels, you’ll have less of a severe balancing response.
The problem may be "diversity".
Me personally, I grew up in a very homogeneous place. Everyone was the same race; ethnicity. Everyone had the same temperament; the same wants and needs. The same things made everyone happy or sad. Everyone had the same annoyances. Etc, etc. Everyone was the same. Everyone was predictable. That's the key - Predictable.
Now I live in a "diverse" area. There are "diverse" ideas about what is and isn't acceptable. Others act in "diverse" ways. People are unpredictable.
That seems to possibly be what you are experiencing. When you're around your kind; your people - People who think and act the same way that you do - You're comfortable, because everyone is predictable.
But when you step away from them and into the "diverse" world, everything and everyone becomes unpredictable.
With me, it makes me angry and annoyed. It sounds like for you, it becomes depressing.
This could also explain why you take comfort in reading the Bible. It is something that links you back to your group; your people.
Look for more way that you can feel linked to your people, while also avoiding "diverse" people. Look for hobbies and activities that are done by your people; your kind. And understand that the second "diverse" people are included, it becomes depressing.
We are The Rapists not TheRapists!
A lifetime of being conditioned to identify with the ego as being yourself. The past doesn't exist. Only the present. It's the mind fucking with you. They are only thoughts. Let them come and go, realizing they are only thoughts coming from a brain that is not really yours anyway. Live in the moment. Practice mindfulness and go with the flow. Service to others really helps me out. Get a feel good hit from helping others with small things all day to make their lives a tiny bit better.
Diet. Listen to your gut. Sugar is bad.
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