Let me tell you something. I know exactly how you feel and I existed in a state of life destroying depression for 9 years. Didn't care about anything, lost every single one of my friends, lost a killer job and put my family through hell. It was as bad as one can get but I got through it. For the last decade I have been the complete opposite, i have been perpetually happy. I am never in a bad mood and I do mean never. I never feel even anything remotely close to depression and haven't in 10 years. What I'm trying to make you understand is that you likely will get better. I thought I was a hopeless case and my destiny was misery but I was wrong. The thing that changed everything for me was deciding that I was going to legitimately like myself. Past mistakes, character flaws and future mistakes didn't matter. I decided to love myself and mean it. Once I was able to do that all of the other pieces started to fall in place and I naturally started to become the man that I always wanted to be. I hope you think about what I'm telling you