Well that is incredibly depressing and I'm not even you! I know you love snow smashing, I remember reading how enthusiastic about it you are. So you have my sympathy even more than you did before. Get well soon Dr. Buddha.
It's okay. I did smash some snow, but the missus saw how pained I was afterwards. The jarring impacts aren't really all that comfortable. It was significant pain. So, she got a guy in the village to smash my snow and he's also smashing the snow that I'd normally smash. I normally do driveways for people, the road, the church parking lot, and the parking lot at the Grange Hall.
On Saturday...
I watched another man drive my tractor. I watched them field dress and hang my deer. I won't even process and package my own deer this year - but I did go harvest one. I went out riding side-saddle on a snowmobile and then my buddy pulled me in the rest of the way on a plastic sled. (Maine law requires I do the act personally, be it releasing the bow string or pulling the trigger.)
I'm getting used to it. It's not my manhood that's challenged, so much as it is these are things I really enjoy and I'm unable to do them. Shit, I celebrated being able to dress myself again. (That's quite a process and I need several tools to do it.)
I'm getting there. I'll have snow to smash next year. Maybe in a month or so, I'll be more able to handle the truck and be able to smash a little snow.
Myself personally, I don't know if my pride would let me allow someone else to do those things for me. Yet another thing for me to admire.
I should really look into this whole pride thing. I probably have too much of it.
I have no choice. I literally can't get into my tractor. I can't trudge through snow. I can't hang my own deer. It's physically impossible.
I might be able to do some of it, with significant pain.
I'm okay with accepting help. I have lots of ego, but it's not really the damaging kind. I'm okay saying that I'm wrong, that I can't do something, that I don't know something, etc...
Right now, I need help. My ego says I will work and run again. My ego says I will walk again. My pride insists that I do my best. My pride doesn't say I can't accept help.
It wasn't really pride that was damaged when someone drove my tractor, it was a bit of sadness that I was unable to do so. I love to go tractorin'! I love my tractor!
But, I'm in this situation because I made bad choices. I've made lots of bad choices. This is a small price to pay, considering the consequences my choices could have had.
(post is archived)