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244

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[–] 12 pts

It's for stoners who want to pass drug tests. They pretend like these tests are going to catch the meth head but the only drug they actually catch is pot (because the metabolites actually hang around for longer than a day).

[–] 5 pts

I’ve used this before.

It’s also for people who think having to get your urine tested just to work is fucking bullshit.

Works great. No problems. Just follow the instructions.

There’s one with a penile attachment if you’re monitored while taking the test.

Unmonitored you just pour it in their cup.

[–] 1 pt

Well, they catch users of other drugs who can't quit for a week. But yeah. Drug tests are stupid.

[–] 0 pt

That's why it pays to have a low body fat percentage if you're going to smoke. That way when the time comes to piss in a cup, you don't have all that much work to do. Just stop ingesting any new substances and start ingesting copious amounts of water and vitamin B pills. If you do it right, you'll be pissing out essentially just yellow died water.

[–] 3 pts

Yeah I researched this when I had to pass a drug test to work transport ambulance in college and I had smoked a bowl the month before. You just have to be below a specific parts per million for metabolites and it's achievable through dilution, though the external bladder method is the most fool-proof/reliable.

1) Take creatine tablets for 2 weeks before the test (if you fail for color they check creatine levels as a barometer for dilution).

2) Never give them your first piss of the day (it's loaded with the all the sediments/metabolites from the night).

3) Take a lot of vitamin B (for the yellowing to make your diluted piss look normal).

4) Drink a ton of water before the test (the actual dilution).

5) Don't burn any fat the day of the test (limit the metobolites present).

Ps. Fuck lab corp and all this corporate big brother shit.

[–] 1 pt

Everything you said was true and I agree with it all.

[–] 1 pt

I've heard some won't take the sample if it's too neon yellow, they know people try that trick.

[–] 2 pts

But sir, this is my piss. You must take it. I have no other.

[–] 0 pt

I feel like those are the places that are in the ghetto or some other spot where it is common for people to try to beat the test.

[–] 0 pt

I feel like those are the places that are in the ghetto or some other spot where it is common for people to try to beat the test. But yeah creative is good to take too.

[–] 1 pt

The water DIES?! I do not want to kill the water!

Oh, nevermind. You said that the yellow dies, not the water. DIE, YELLOW!

[–] 0 pt

You must become a killer if you want to service and pass the test.

[–] 2 pts

These things have saved me twice. No hassle to use just be calm and don't make a mess. Use a hand warmer on the front but have a layer between. The back will use body heat. I got a comment that it was too cold once and too hot once.

[–] 1 pt

I found out about this in a vape shop, thought they were joking.

[–] 0 pt

They can be very useful for those that are forced to piss in a cup.

[–] 1 pt

And I used to (didn't know of the stuff then).

[–] 1 pt

I've just used the wife's piss before

[–] 1 pt

The real addicts get away with it, while.I lost my career as a software engineer when a nigger bitch lied about my test results. I have never deliberately gotten high in my life.

[–] 1 pt

I have literally never met an actual software engineer who took a piss test.

If a place requires that, you just move on to the next place, because that's an insane and unreasonable requirement for that job.

[–] 1 pt

Probably a place who works with the government. Technically federal contractors are required to develop a plan, not test for pot. However, I would say a majority interpret that requirement as just do the testing. Still, it's usually pre-employment; not random. There's no way you would "lose a career" over it, unless, like I said you had clearance or something. I've also heard companies say: muh well our ditch diggers have to get tested so so do the engineers. Obviously that's only a problem if you work in a place that also digs ditches.

It's all fun and games until one day your probation officer leans over your shoulder and says "That's not your dick.. I'm having you searched."

[–] 0 pt

If your pissing dirty on probation it's time to get your shit together

[–] 1 pt

Lol the site says they also sell something called a monkey dong for if your drug test is supervised

monkey's have a higher IQ than your average drug user.

[–] 0 pt

But many are pretty intelligent. I guess it's a conflicted thing, they were dumb enough to get into such a mess.

yup. never used drugs in my life. only meds prescribed by a doctor and even then i would question it.

[–] 1 pt

Been there, used that for months, every day. I used to work in the oil field, but I also insisted on smoking because I never smoked before or during work, and it was just nice after a long days work. I was always at risk of being randomed, so I did what I had to do and wore it all day every day. Sweaty.

[–] 0 pt

San Antonio monkeys are probably illegal Mexicans.