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I made this for those of us who have taken on the responsibility of caring for loved ones.

I’m new to caretaking. A few months ago, I uprooted to take care of my father. I could use some tips, tricks, and support. I doubt I’m alone in this. So far, it’s rewarding, demanding, and a bit depressing. There have been many unforeseen challenges already.

My family kind of has this rule where we haven’t put any of us in assisted living. I took on this challenge because I love my dad and he needs me. He deserves as high a quality of life as possible. Maybe my siblings will help more in the future, though I’d never seen a more greedy and selfish bunch when our grandparents were ailing a decade ago. I’m sure some of you can relate.

Anyway, I hope this can be a positive sub here on Poal.

I made this for those of us who have taken on the responsibility of caring for loved ones. I’m new to caretaking. A few months ago, I uprooted to take care of my father. I could use some tips, tricks, and support. I doubt I’m alone in this. So far, it’s rewarding, demanding, and a bit depressing. There have been many unforeseen challenges already. My family kind of has this rule where we haven’t put any of us in assisted living. I took on this challenge because I love my dad and he needs me. He deserves as high a quality of life as possible. Maybe my siblings will help more in the future, though I’d never seen a more greedy and selfish bunch when our grandparents were ailing a decade ago. I’m sure some of you can relate. Anyway, I hope this can be a positive sub here on Poal.

(post is archived)

[–] • 3 pts

Subscribed. Just lost my father in law and it was a shit show. Tried to get him in our home to die a peaceful death surrounded by loved ones. Instead, wife 20 years younger than him wouldn’t allow it and put him in a nursing home, who rushed him to hospital after 3 weeks where he promptly died. My advice: fuck whatever anyone else in the family is saying; do what you know is best.

[–] • 1 pt

Great reply and I’m sorry the final chapters went that way for him/you.

[–] • 2 pts

Something exactly like this was on my list, OP. Well done honoring your father and also for starting this sub!

[–] • 1 pt

Thanks and good luck to all of us. I’ll be posting in there soon.

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

Good luck. I'm going through something like this right now. My father got hurt because he doesn't listen to anyone. We are taking turns watching out for him in the hospital and taking care of my mom.

It's hard and is uprooting everything. Trying to give them grace and have some myself is hard.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

I was my mom's caretaker and she died just the end of june this year. It was just about ten years and I did it with no help from siblings. I get that part. Cooking stuff they can eat or want to eat, cleaning up after them and for them; helping with their activities of daily living; getting used to the television blaring "law and order" from morning 'til night...but then they start sleeping more and eating less and needing more help- and more patience. You'll buy a wheelchair and he'll refuse to use it- until he says "maybe you should get the wheelchair".

Combing his hair, helping him with his clothes and hurriedly fixing his bed to make sure he doesn't fall getting out of the chair...helping him to the bathroom asap...then putting him to bed at night and pulling the covers over him and saying "'night Dad, see you in the morning. Love you too Dad!"

It's hard. It can be aggravating and annoying and frustrating and sometimes you can get mad as hell but, going through that aging process with your Dad, helping him through to the end will be something that will change you forever. The memories are good and you will look at this part of your life as something immensely fulfilling and never one moment was a burden.

[–] • 1 pt

Thanks for the reply and I’m sorry for your loss. Dad loves the Roku tv I got him. He watches ice road truckers a lot. Several other shows. He has balance issues and memory issues. Protecting him from himself is the biggest struggle. No wheelchair or walker, but he has these random bad days and I have a hard time getting him to use a cane when he needs to. Most days he just wants to work outside all day. He doesn’t need to be in a recliner all day, but he also doesn’t need to be loading his trailer with tree limbs and using a chainsaw all day either. He also is afraid to call me when he should. He feels bad to “burden” me but that’s why I’m here now and it’s only worse when a little issue turns into a big one because he tries to hide how he’s feeling or doing.

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

Thank you so much. We all go through it, one way or another. I get that so much. Keeping them safe whilst helping them maintain their sense of independence and dignity is a balancing act that can be exhausting.

Enjoy this time with your Dad; be sure to take care of yourself in the mean time.

[–] • 1 pt

Kind words and I appreciate it very much.

[–] • 0 pt

How do I subscribe to this sub? I am a caregiver to my son. I've been doing this since 2014. I always believed my children would grow up & leave the nest, but my son was DX with MS at age 24. It's been extremely challenging.

[–] • 1 pt

Are you on mobile? I am. You have to use the little pull out menu on the right upper part of the screen.

[–] • 1 pt

Thank you, I figured out how to join.