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520

Today I went to some family land that I have access to. It's about 100 acres of forest with a large pond and some river frontage. Some shows I've been watching suggest that Bigfoot likes peanut butter, a lot. So I picked up some large jars of cheap peanut butter on the way. I went to a large rocky hill that is just before the river bottoms starts. About half way up the hill I stuck a jar of peanut butter, it was a plastic jar, into the fork of a small tree. It was between seven or eight feet off the ground, about as high as I could reach. I crammed it in there real hard so it wouldn't come out easily. Then I walked to the top of the hill and did three tree knocks using a large rock. I got one knock, in reply, from the direction of the river. I was there at least an hour. I did some whoops and some more tree knocks, but never heard anything else so I decided to leave. As I was walking down the hill, I noticed something, the jar of peanut butter was gone! The jar was visible from a distance, but it was not in sight from the top of the hill where I had been sitting. I figured that I must have taken a slightly different route down the hill than I had taken walking up and missed it. So, I walked back up and down the hill looking for the missing jar. I never found it. I know there are a lot of similar looking trees, it's a forest, but I know I would have found the tree with the jar eventually. Anyway, that is my spooky story for today.

Today I went to some family land that I have access to. It's about 100 acres of forest with a large pond and some river frontage. Some shows I've been watching suggest that Bigfoot likes peanut butter, a lot. So I picked up some large jars of cheap peanut butter on the way. I went to a large rocky hill that is just before the river bottoms starts. About half way up the hill I stuck a jar of peanut butter, it was a plastic jar, into the fork of a small tree. It was between seven or eight feet off the ground, about as high as I could reach. I crammed it in there real hard so it wouldn't come out easily. Then I walked to the top of the hill and did three tree knocks using a large rock. I got one knock, in reply, from the direction of the river. I was there at least an hour. I did some whoops and some more tree knocks, but never heard anything else so I decided to leave. As I was walking down the hill, I noticed something, the jar of peanut butter was gone! The jar was visible from a distance, but it was not in sight from the top of the hill where I had been sitting. I figured that I must have taken a slightly different route down the hill than I had taken walking up and missed it. So, I walked back up and down the hill looking for the missing jar. I never found it. I know there are a lot of similar looking trees, it's a forest, but I know I would have found the tree with the jar eventually. Anyway, that is my spooky story for today.

(post is archived)

[–] • 6 pts

Don't lie. You put peanut butter on your dick for a sasquatch blowjob, posted up in a ghillie suit, patiently waiting for them saggy swamp stank sasquatch tiddies

[–] [deleted] • 3 pts

Plot twist: you've found yourself in a forest with no recollection of how you got there. All you know is that you have your trusty peanut butter, and that you are alone. You glance at a nearby pond, only to see it shimmer like a mirage and twist and contort in impossible ways. The blues become the bluest you've ever seen, and the sun feels like it's embracing you lovingly. Then, you notice a shadow dart through the trees. Panic sets in as you realize the chemical cocktail of LSD, GHB, and pure ecstacy you took about an hour ago starts to course through your veins. Instinct takes over. Something is hunting you and you NEED to leave. You look around. There's no place to hide. Whatever is stalking you is COMING for your peanut butter. The peanut butter is precious, but too heavy. You need to escape NOW. You climb the tree, try to hide it from the demon eyes that are following you menacingly, as if there are predators everywhere. You hide your precious nut butter, and sprint in a desperate attempt to reach anywhere safe, anywhere away from those EYES. You don't notice the multiple cuts and bruises as you dart through the trees and brambles, tearing away at your flesh. The adrenaline is too strong. The impending doom that was that shadow demon who wants you and all of your precious peanut butter is too GREAT. Though your heart beats in your ears, and the sound of your footsteps crunching against the forest floor is deafening, you hear.. something. Another set of footsteps. Heavy, and getting louder. Suddenly, the footsteps accelerate. They're coming. IT'S coming. You run, but you see the shadows in your peripheral gaining. You feel the strong grasp of the demon catch your shoulder.. and.. You wake up. You're naked, covered in sweat, dirt, and blood, clutching a jar of Shmucker's peanut butter. You look up to see your neighbor, ol' Grandma Gertrude jostling you awake with a concerned look in her eyes. As you sit up, you realise you're sitting in her now destroyed rose garden. A young, black puppy is barking at you, seemingly terrified of what it just witnessed. "My bad!" You say, as you stroll back to your home, dick swingin', happily eating your protected peanut butter.

[–] • 2 pts

Here take this poal award 🖕

It's good for a plate of 's famous sweet and sour siamese.

[–] [deleted] • 2 pts

I've never won an award before 🤮

https://youtu.be/AJnD5OS3ETc

[–] • 2 pts

Congrats! Thanks to !

[–] • 1 pt

First of all, I said cheap peanut butter, it wasn't Shmuckers. Second, the water in the pond is more of a brownish hue. Thirdly, if I discovered something, or someone stalking me in the woods, only one of us would be coming out alive. I had more than enough firepower on me to rain hellfire on anything stupid enough to stalk me in the woods! Because of poachers and wild hogs, I never go in those woods unarmed. I learned, long ago, as a young Marine that fire superiority is a good thing.

[–] • 2 pts

I never go in those woods unarmed.

Sure, but you seemed to have left your sense of humor elsewhere.

[–] • 2 pts

It got shot off when he was a young marine

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

I'm happy you served our country and know about your 2A rights, but more confused how you derived any legitimacy out of that giant wall of text diarrhea I just wrote

[+] [deleted] • 1 pt
[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

That's a long ass story you got there w/o any walking thr dino.

[–] • 0 pt (edited )

Big foot = yeti, it's just that big foot's fur adapts to the environment like a chameleon. You know that Christmas clamation cartoon about Rudolph the raindeer? Yeti wasn't the bad guy.

[–] • 1 pt

The poor abominable snowman just wanted a job . Even the abominable snowman is better than a nigger

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

sounds like bullshit

[–] • 2 pts

I guess it's lucky for me that I don't give a fuck what you think about anything!

[–] • 0 pt

I too am mentally ill

[–] • 0 pt

Story is plausible but why would you go far enough away from the jar to lose sight of it if you're trying to conjure up a Bigfoot sighting? I know they're real and I believe much of the lore when it comes to their abilities.

[–] • 0 pt

Well, because I really didn't expect anything to happen.