In other words; "I denied every instinct my body and mind gave me, mostly with drugs, narcissism, and promiscuity, so I could do what I knew would make me happy; but now I've changed my mind, only because of how obvious my bad decisions were, and now I want reality itself to bend to my whims in order to do what I know will make me happy this time." Good luck slag, leave out food so the cats don't eat your face.