I don't think I actually can. I think it is part of my character. It's been around since I was a child, and not matter what I do, it still lingers in the background. Don't get me wrong, I still experience happiness and joy, but I know that any moment I stop doing things well, existential dread is right behind the door. I exercise a lot, work a lot, try to eat well, although I do drink too much. Last week I spent one of my days off in my room, and I didn't eat or drink or go on the internet at all. I spent the entire day filled with fear and anxiety and depression. I hide it pretty well. But it is rare for me to wake up without suicidal thoughts.