I don't think I actually can.
I think it is part of my character. It's been around since I was a child, and not matter what I do, it still lingers in the background.
Don't get me wrong, I still experience happiness and joy, but I know that any moment I stop doing things well, existential dread is right behind the door.
I exercise a lot, work a lot, try to eat well, although I do drink too much.
Last week I spent one of my days off in my room, and I didn't eat or drink or go on the internet at all. I spent the entire day filled with fear and anxiety and depression.
I hide it pretty well. But it is rare for me to wake up without suicidal thoughts.
Make sure you're not indulging in 'substances.'
I drink, but that is the only thing that has ever helped keeping the thoughts at bay.
To be clear, I've had these thoughts since pre-adolescence. So while drinking is clearly not the solution, it isn't the root of my problem.
I was prescribed a wide array of Pharmaceuticals during my childhood, and none of them helped.
Exercise and writing are the only things, other than alcohol, that ever make me feel better.
Yeah I was pretty sure I wasn't telling you anything new but sometimes we deceive ourselves.
I've had the same problem, since childhood, but not as bad. And insomnia.
Creative people seem to deal with it a lot, but then that's where some good stuff comes from. Hemingway, Van Gogh.
I have PTSD as well as a Brain Injury. I was programed to suicide via MK Ultra... I am free from those.. Yes thoughts will come Satan will still try to use them but they no longer have any hold on me they have no power
God can overcome anything. He can help you as he helped me
Mk Ultra? Which University? And What years? Those programs only ran at certain times. Strangely enough Ted Kasinesky was a actual victim of Mk-Ultra. His professors locked him in a room and tore his belief system and world view to shreds as an "experiment"
if you didnt know, look around, look at how they treated people with MANDATES, Telling people they are responsible for all deaths, Close churches ( cut people off from belief systems) drug them, yup you witnessed MK Ultra on a mass scale.
You have forgotten those "PAST YEARS "where early development stage. They have always kept upgrading it ( refining it)
Did they
For me MK Ultra was pushed on ALL of us in medical Hold units. ( example Walter Reed scandal) yes that was also a while back 2007-2008
Just because something is older than dirt doesnt mean they didnt modernized it all along...
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