What I need most is daily activities that keep me preoccupied from smoking and help build up what little muscles I have left, and to get more fresh air.
Sounds like a good plan.
my poor little skeleton body
Please don't take this wrong bc I mean it in a food way - it's hard for me to imagine that based on your strong personality. Are you all having food shortages?
it's hard for me to imagine that based on your strong personality.
I've always been small and used to be very shy and timid with people because of it, but at a certain point I had been taken advantage of and abused so much that I changed out of a need to survive and not become suicidal. I immersed myself in books for years to keep my mind occupied and not think about the shit I was going through, and I learned a lot of things from that, which helped me develop a strong sense of self-worth and a desire to deal with things straight on and no bullshit.
You've got me psychoanalyzing myself. 🤓
Are you all having food shortages?
Not that I notice, although prices are going up for a lot of things. I'm actually eating well and I have a little independently-owned grocery store that I go to where I can buy 4-5 meals worth of food for about $10, compared to about 3 times that at a regular grocery store.
used to be very shy and timid
OMW - that's so hard to believe
which helped me develop a strong sense of self-worth and a desire to deal with things straight on and no bullshit.
Tough situations give us the best growth, I think. At least that's been my experience.
You've got me psychoanalyzing myself
Welcome to the club :-) To me, that's a positive trait - I think that understanding ones assets, liabilities, where certain things come from, can lead to a lot of growth.
I'm envious of your locally-owned grocery store. The biggest local stores I miss are hardware stores - we used to have three of them, and they're all gone. I can literally spend all day in an old hardware store. Yes, I am exciting :-0
Tough situations give us the best growth, I think. At least that's been my experience.
Yep. Like I was pointing out in my post :
when you lose your fear of pain and death, you suddenly see your life in a whole new way and take an approach to it that surpasses anything that is common to others. You move past the ideals that culture has instilled in you from birth, and things become less threatening. Along with fear, anger, rage, violence, sadness, self-pity, the feeling of incapacity, etc., become less of a response to situations and events that you find yourself in. The need to just survive is replaced by the ability to overcome. You learn not to project those higher ideals onto something ‘out there’, but find them inside of yourself, ready to be expressed at every opportunity.
And:
You move past the ideals that culture has instilled in you from birth, and things become less threatening. Along with fear, anger, rage, violence, sadness, self-pity, the feeling of incapacity, etc., become less of a response to situations and events that you find yourself in. The need to just survive is replaced by the ability to overcome. You learn not to project those higher ideals onto something ‘out there’, but find them inside of yourself, ready to be expressed at every opportunity.
And finally:
When you’ve reached the point where there seems to be nothing left to lose and you’re acting with reckless abandon and inviting death, this is your moment to catch that state of unconflicted behavior, and to achieve transcendence from all your past troubles. Your persecutors live in fear and doubt, and for this reason, unconflicted behavior is a table-turning moment where you can defeat all the efforts that they have made to subdue you.
In my case, I learned that rather than internalizing my response to the people and things that were causing me fear, depression, frustration, etc. and letting it eat me alive, I could subdue them by challenging them, throwing things off balance by doing the unexpected rather than what would normally be expected, going to the heart of the matter and not being afraid to say or do what I thought, to pose the critical questions, rock the boat so to speak, and to learn from the response.
I'm envious of your locally-owned grocery store.
It's just a little corner store type of place, run by an older Philippino woman on a shoestring budget. She doesn't have a wide selection, but enough variety that I rarely need to go anywhere else.
The biggest local stores I miss are hardware stores
I like Canadian Tire. They have a huge variety of products and you can find just about anything there. Dollar stores are also good for finding little things you won't find anywhere else at a good price.
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