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Called out of work yesterday. Fucked up and drank.

Went into work still drunk today.

Start doing my job.

It is no exaggeration to say I am absolutely murdering it today. I have never been better at my job.

My boss pulled me aside, and Instead of reprimanding me for calling out yesterday, he commended me for my performance this morning.

This is so fucked up. Alcohol is my performance enhancing drug. I won't know for a few months, but I've probably made a lot of money today.

This is so fucked up.

Called out of work yesterday. Fucked up and drank. Went into work still drunk today. Start doing my job. It is no exaggeration to say I am absolutely murdering it today. I have never been better at my job. My boss pulled me aside, and Instead of reprimanding me for calling out yesterday, he commended me for my performance this morning. This is so fucked up. Alcohol is my performance enhancing drug. I won't know for a few months, but I've probably made a lot of money today. This is so fucked up.

(post is archived)

[–] 4 pts

Being drunk or high at work doesn't make one perform better, it just makes one "feel" like they're performing better...

[–] 0 pt

I found weed to allow me to think outside of the box far better than without. I developed some incredible algorithms and approaches in systems software that I don't think I would have ever explored straight sober. Also, weed gave me the patience to explore these alternate solutions that I may have ignored as silly or too much effort if I were straight. Admittedly the thought exercises were time consuming but the end products were world class. One innovative approach to test time reduction I developed while stoned at my kitchen table in the 1980s was later developed independently by a team of engineers and used in the operating systems of multimillion dollar sparc based LTX semiconductor test platforms a few years later. I'll always be convinced weed helped me to be more creative, and patient in developing creative solutions.

[–] 0 pt

My metrics today are fucking insane.

[–] 2 pts

Alcohol is my performance enhancing drug

Caffein (coffee or Diet Coke) was my performance enhancing drug from age 23-on, after a good nights sleep.

I found going to work still drunk from the night before (worked construction during school vacations age 18-22) was a real drag. I remember going off in the woods and puking my guts out at 9am break a few times. Too many sour mixed drinks. After a retrospective self review, I decided every dumb shit thing I'd ever done was while I was drunk, so I cut way back on booze.

[–] 2 pts

You could improve your job performance if you're drunk.

Especially, if you are dealing with retail.

Some people are more talkative and friendly when they are drunk.

I am not one of these people.

[–] 1 pt

Yeah, I'm much more talkative, friendly, and normal when at a certain level of drunk. Beyond that I get weepy. There's a fine line for me.

[–] 1 pt

Tomorrow is another day to try again sir!

[–] 1 pt

The devil plays so dirty.

if you're capable of doing it on alcohol, you would be capable of doing it off the sauce too. Sauce is just like putting ketchup on food to make it taste better. It's easier to focus and ignore what you hate about the job which improves performance

[–] 0 pt

The job is 100% verbal. Liquor increases my communications powers to an insane degree. Yeah, I can do the job sober, and I have done the job sober for the entire time I have had it. Today was the first time I went in drunk.

I cannot stress enough how insanely well I performed. The people I have to call... They don't want to be called. They hide behind gatekeepers. They don't want to talk. They definitely don't want to talk to me.

But today, today they all wanted to talk to me. Today the gatekeepers gave me the personal cellphone number of the people I am trying to reach. Today they all wanted to buy the shit I sell. My average call length was quadrupled from what it normally is. Even the Germans wanted to talk. They never want to fucking talk.

[–] 1 pt

Keep at it to avoid it. You got lucky this time.