Keep at it. Talk to Him ever moment you find pause. Stop lights, at the toilet, in line, at the drive through. That gives you 1000 of times a day to do it. He’s listening….let him know. A dead friend, on his death bed told me, his actual last words as I was walking out of the hospital room as he had colon cancer: “Hey, one last thing (he knew it was the end, I don’t know if I was really even at the hospital but that’s another story). You need to talk to God, He’s waiting to hear from you.” To which I said, I don’t need to bother Him, every problem I got myself into I can get out of. There are so many more that need him, and he needs to help them. His return “Brother have I ever lied to you?” No. “Remember that, cause he’s waiting for you.” It took 7 years for me to do just that. It took maybe a few months to hear Him after talking to him 1000’s of times a day. When I broke down on my knees screaming to the Heaven’s ‘I can’t continue, I am calling on you to carry me and now is the time, I know I have strayed from the path, I only strive to be righteous, like as a child before the trappings of earth vices poisoned me.” His response “What do you need, it shall be done” I asked for him to only put the people in front of me that had Him in their heart. I lack the energy to qualify anyone anymore, I am spent, I am a shell of a man, I am sorry I have strayed chasing wrongs, so carry me when I can’t walk, only show me the right way, I don’t need free will, that has led me to ruin, show me the path and I will walk it till the end of time. I will not falter, I will not question, I will simply walk until you show me that I need to change directions. This is all I ask.” From that moment forward, this world got easy. Quiet. Calm. I gave all of my worry and doubt back to Him. At that point is when I lost the fear of death, as for death, I get to go Home, I get to sit at the right hand of God, and that is my reward. Greater than anything in this world. Once you shed the worry of your end, the liberation is without words. Life has meaning. All the earthly trappings mean nothing. That relief is indescribable. The path has not been without some hurdles since then, but nothing like before. What used to be a mountain, is now a pebble on the ground which I walk over or around. I am not perfect at seeing the signs, the last one took close to 6 months to recognize, but once I did, it was more obvious than a billboard with big old letter ten feet tall. So I move forward. Now time, days and weeks mean nothing, the sun comes up and goes down and I try to do good. I thank him every evening for another day. I thank him every morning for a new day. At this point it is almost like being in a wreck, everything is moving in ultra slow motion, but I can see every detail. It is strange but very grounding. It is quiet, it is calm. This is peace. Now mind you I still have trappings of this earth. I hate those that are only here to take and do harm. The Lord said love thy neighbor, not love thy nigger. And He never intended for my neighbor to be a nigger (of which I have none). Also crass words and distain for those not like me is not a sin. It does not say love the beast of the field. And as a final note, when you pray, do it out loud. Sounds insignificant, but the Lord did not think “Let there be light” he SPOKE IT. Resonation of the sound of the words is orders of magnitude greater than just praying silently. At least do this in your car when you are alone, if your family would be like wut? Or just shirtcock it and do it in the open. Don’t be ashamed. Tell people God Bless you, tell the cashier, the waitress, the delivery man. They don’t hear that and most welcome it, watch their face when you do. It shocks them that someone would speak the words. Be proud of Our God, he is a good and patient God. And as my best friend told me, and I will tell you, Brother he is waiting to hear from you. If this comment is my legacy then I am proud of it, it’s greater than any of us know.