i've had much heartache. lost loved ones. took care of them as they died, as they would share with me their fear and pain. i took it on, took it inside me. i've had a fortune and lost a fortune because of evil people. i even had a rough patch with my kid that i didn't think we would get through. lots of other troubled times i won't get into. i don't know how i rose above all that anger, and swallowed the bitter bile. well, yes i do. i prayed. i submitted and humbled myself and realized i could not go on in that way and prayed for help. and now i pray and give thanks. try to get back that awe and magic you could feel as a kid. it's okay to be a kid at heart. i wish you well. i wish you a blessing.