He obtained the N-Word Pass.

I commissioned the background image. I would prefer him a little brighter but there is a limit to how many edits a given artist is going to oblige you on.

He likes em’ thic

You can destroy up to three target creatures. He only gets exiled if one of the creatures you choose to destroy is not attacking. If you destroyed 1 or 2 attacking creatures, he would stick the board. He would also stick the board if you destroyed no creatures.

I would actually argue that this card is too powerful to print in standard. 5 mana instant speed destroy up to three target creatures is already really strong. Doomskar costs 5 mana and destroys all creatures, even your own, and it is sorcery speed. Devastating Mastery costs 6 to destroy all permanents, including your own, and is sorcery speed.

With this card, you could theoretically at instant speed destroy 3 attacking creatures, block a 4th creature, and heal for 2, then have a 2/4 lifelink on the board, all for 5 mana.

This is a joke card so I kept the rules simple. If this was a real card, I would add "For each creature destroyed in this manner, it's controller investigates" to bring it in line with cards like Fateful Absence. I would also have to seriously debate if it should be bumped up to costing 6 (3WWW), but maybe add first strike as well because 6 mana is really slow.