At least you're not a psychopath and you felt emotion. When I was a kid I saw an older family member hold the body of a ferret while twisting the head 360 degrees. Then he stabbed it. Part of my younger self died that day. What shocked me more than the killing was the almost sense of pride and joy in what he was doing. He is now in prison for murder. The bb gun thing is almost a rite of passage. I remember shooting a squirrel out of a tree with one. It dropped like 40 feet it didn't die but I still felt bad. Now I don't care, I hate squirrels. They're always getting into my bird feeders lol