To be honest I don't really know what I ever was, and don't know what I am now. I guess I just don't really care all that much, what standard should I judge myself by other than productivity, leaving the world a better place, happiness. Nothing else really matters to me. I've been through a shit life. Tried to make sense of it. Found out it's mostly garbage. Now I finally get going and rona happens and shuts everything down and leaves me in debt, and either a civil war happens or we live the rest of our lives as cucks. I just wanted to be left alone. But either I die alone and bitter, or leave a world I would actually be comfortable leaving a child in.