I've been arguing against that "happy wife" bullshit for years. My response boils down to, 'if my wife insists I surrender all happiness of my own to focus on hers, she doesn't really love me and only wants a slave. And I am no one's slave.'
That usually shuts the conversation down, especially if said with a completely dismissive tone.
Great response. Surrendering happiness is a perfect way to frame it. Yes, there will some give and take, but these men are subservient and that is not the role of a man. It is insane how pervasive the happy wife dogma is.
I react immediately to anyone who says it, especially if my wife is sitting there.
People have asked whether I'd talk so tough when my wife is around and she's told them flat out that I do it all the time.