I decided to go to another church, and for some reason i became happier, and i think i know why. If there's one thing i absolutely despise, especially as a widower, is when assholes in church start making pot shots at being married, their wives or husbands. On one hand this church proclaims that women are inferior to men based off scripture, but then they debase themselves (the men that is) by insulting themselves or insulting their wives. And it came off as extremely infuriating, because they would then make pot shots about my own marriage, which just brought up more painful memories. Heck they would make pot shot at me being single, not realizing I am a widower (they technically knew but forgot), or telling me its a marriage thing, as if i was never married or something. Like fuck off, all of you. My wife and I would never dream of insulting each other, especially in front of each other, or in public. Even when we were mad at each other, there were lines that were just never crossed. Like what the fuck?! You supposedly love this person, but its A-ok when a church insults the shit out of you? Not to say the relationship was perfect, but my wife was super traditionalist, and I loved her for that. Even if she was still alive, it would be in extremely poor taste to insult her or me, because she took offense to it pretty harshly. When i went to another church, the focus was more on scripture and biblical studying, vs friendship and self debasement, which made a radical difference. I didn't have to be there having to protect my own fucking wife from a barrage of insults. Instead people focus more on the core message of god. If you're wondering, went from baptist to reformed evangelical.