The friend YOU asked for:
Cop1: Do you know why you're sitting here?
Cop2: {yells} You better hurry up, answer! You know why you're here?
Friend: {Laughs} Dude. chill. Get me a lawyer.
C1: You want a lawyer you say? Are you sure?
C2: {laughing} This bitch thinks a lawyer can help him...
F: Yes I want a lawyer before I will answer any other questions.
{C1 leaves scene}
C2: {attempts to adopt DI tough guy look} You shouldn't have done that. Now it can only go badly for you ... ... ... {2 mins later} C2 Arent you going to say anything? ... ... ... {2 mins later} C2. You should talk to us before that lawyer gets here. Once he arrives, its all on record and its all admissible, we cant help you at all. ... ... ... {2 mins later} -{C1 renters scene} C1: Ok we've called the lawyer's number you provided, we left a message. Now you can talk to us.
F: Not without my lawyer present
C2: {yelling} Were going to stick you in with the murderers right now if you don't talk to us. C1: Relax partner, he doesn't need to go into a general population right this second C2: {yelling} I'm tired, have to do all this damn paperwork for this asshole, and he wont say shit. Your damn right I'm putting him in the deepest cell I can order. I'm getting that written now. {C2 departs scene} ... ... ... {5 mins later} C1: You know, He sounded pretty pissed, He's already 20 hours over this week, and your now keeping him from his daughters birthday... This isn't going to go well, you should talk to me. ... ... ... {2 mins later} C1: Really You can chat with me, I don't want to see my partner order that cell for you. ... ... ... {2 mins later} C1: OK, well it shouldn't be long. Can I get you a drink while you wait, it's only going to be a few minutes, you will not be able to get a drink again for a while. ... ... ...
{C1 sticks his head out of the door and asks for water in room 4} {12 mins later} {Detective1 arrives with cup of water} D1: I hear you're giving the guys a rough time today. They've ordered your lawyer, we still haven't heard from him. C2 is asking we send you off to state right now, and let your lawyer track you there on a 48 hour hold until we can get more evidence. That order is with the DA now, on its way to the judge. I'm here to see if i can keep all that from happening.
We already know, You were discovered at the scene, with a dead woman, a dead man, a pile of cash, and 2 other accomplices.
Accomplice1 has already admitted you three went there to rob them of the cash. Accomplice2 has told us you didn't have a gun, you were just the driver.
We've got enough to put you away, for a long time already, which is why C2 is asking for that 48 hour hold, on its way to a judge so he can drive you up to state and stick you in real prison.
Talk to me, we can make that stop, we can get you out of here and on your way home. If you were just the driver, and didn't know why you were going, as we are told, its not going to be hard on you...
F: (having been arrested inside the place) You know. OK man, I give up. I was in the place. Hiding when the cops arrived, I was scared. Then... I can't help that I saw the cop walk in and attempt to have sex with the corpse in the room. It was the dead dude too... like man wtf are you even doing... I was scared of who may be entering. I was hiding. But that. Seeing that dude in a uniform... pretty sure that guy was a cop. Maybe he was a fireman. I thought, still do he was a cop. Firemen don't carry guns at all. Ive never seen a fireman carrying a gun have you?
D1: NO, that isn't what we are talking about. You said you were there. Now how did the people get dead, before or after you got there.
F: What you've never seen a fireman carrying a gun either then? I didn't think so. So who was the cop who walked in and tried to fuck the dudes corpse? I'm pretty sure he had one of those jew names like leibowitz or some shit... There were a lot of you there, couple of jews. I can pick him out of a lineup I'm sure, get me a lineup of the police that were there, I need to ID this man. He attempted to have sex with a male corpse on a crime scene. How often does this happen? Do we have cops running around having sex with corpses regularly? What are you going to do about that guy? Why aren't you taking my statement seriously. I saw a guy attempting to have sex with a corpse.
D1: Enough with the BS man. We arrested you, and 2 others, in the house, there were 2 dead bodies, we have the other 2 guys, one says your just the driver and you all just arrived, one says you weren't involved in anything. I'm trying to keep you out of jail.
Just give me a little bit to help you out here.
F: Has my lawyer arrived?
D1: Not yet.
F: then back to my questions for you. I told you, I am here to file a complaint. I want to file a complaint against that officer for attempting to defile a corpse and film it. I can only assume you are going to look into this? This leibowitz came in the room before all the other police arrived, and before he saw the hiding people, he attempted to sodomize the corpse. It cause me to shout out in disgust. Now you know why I was there, I was watching leibowitz, I knew he was a corpse fucker.
Why aren't you writing any of this down? Really. I am attempting to take the time you are holding me and file a complaint against an officer. Pick up the pen state servant and take my complaint. Or get some other state servant in here to take my complaint.
D1: Dude, your making this worse on yourself. Its a funny story. Impossible, but funny, because it tells me why you were there.
Are you going to tell me why you were in that room?
F: Are you going to take my complaint? Matter of fact, what was your name again public servant? Make sure you bring me a person who can take 2 complaints, one fore leibowitz fucking a corpse and one for you for failure to take my complaint seriously.
Hurry. Fetch. Go. Be a good boy. Get me a person to take my complaints and give me complaint numbers now. ... ... ... {2 mins later} F: Why are you still here fucktard? You refuse to take my complaint, therefor you are useless, now go get me some other public servant that will take my complaint. FETCH BITCH. ... ... ... {2 mins later} F: ... D1: ... ... ... ... {2 hours later} D1: seems we cant hold you anymore F. C1: Were letting him go? D1: The other 2 are leaving now.
F: Are you ready to take my complaint fucking slow ass public servant? I've been waiting hours!
(edited for spelling and punctuation)
(post is archived)