Is something wrong when you feel no grief?

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You know, I've asked myself that more than a few times over the course of my life. I don't feel much when people die. I momentarily feel a sudden rush of panic for some reason at the news, but I don't necessarily feel "sad." At least, not the sadness where I'm crying, or even misty eyed. My uncle passed just a few years ago, and he wasn't even 50 years old. Lung cancer snuck up on him, was already stage 4 by the time they figured it out. Coughing blood was what led them to figure it out.

When he died, it was sad, but kind of expected? I dunno, I just know that we're all gonna go, and it's terrible for the ones we leave behind (At least, for the ones who have anyone to leave behind) yet I don't see the point in holding onto that hurt for long at all. Maybe a few days of grief at most? I've seen what holding onto grief does to people in my family many times, so I might have subconsciously rejected that and gone too far to the other end?

I get upset at pet deaths more than people deaths. I just don't click with people I guess? Animals are more innocent? I've been a recluse since 17 years old due to medical issues, so maybe something is broken with me?

It's just one of those things that we get or don't. Maybe it's a case by case basis thing? I have no clue. People smarter than I - which isn't hard in the slightest - have probably pondered this same question and came to clearer answers and understanding. I'd probably feel more grief if a youngin' were to pass? I dunno, I just know that I hate funerals. I just think that most people anymore just don't actually care and are putting on a false mask because they think they have to do so.

Then again, most of my extended family were vultures who couldn't wait to pick at the stuff left behind and I grew to be disgusted by them on sheer principle.

On the other hand, I do have to admit that I get incredibly angry when someone desecrates the dead, or besmirches their legacy for a quick buck. Like, when my great great uncle passed, I was somewhat sad I couldn't go see him much anymore, but when we learned that some of his great grandson's "friends" had spooked the mental midget into thinking the place was haunted and pilfered every last bit of stuff for a quick buck because he was too scared to check the place I was absolutely furious and wanted heads on pikes. I legitimately wanted to kill those fuckers with my own hands. All those family heirlooms, all the family photos, all the war memorabilia (The uncle served in WW2 in the Pacific theater, at least) from him and his brothers who were long gone before him, all the little keepsakes he'd gathered over the years in his humble means... all of it, gone practically overnight.

I think, at least personally, the going isn't the sad part. We all gotta go, and I've accepted that. Too many people died in my formative years to really make me see it as anything more or less than that.

The part that makes me sad is when people let it rip them to shreds or use it as an excuse to hurt others or let themselves fall.

You know, I've asked myself that more than a few times over the course of my life. I don't feel much when people die. I momentarily feel a sudden rush of panic for some reason at the news, but I don't necessarily feel "sad." At least, not the sadness where I'm crying, or even misty eyed. My uncle passed just a few years ago, and he wasn't even 50 years old. Lung cancer snuck up on him, was already stage 4 by the time they figured it out. Coughing blood was what led them to figure it out. When he died, it was sad, but kind of expected? I dunno, I just know that we're all gonna go, and it's terrible for the ones we leave behind (At least, for the ones who have anyone to leave behind) yet I don't see the point in holding onto that hurt for long at all. Maybe a few days of grief at most? I've seen what holding onto grief does to people in my family many times, so I might have subconsciously rejected that and gone too far to the other end? I get upset at pet deaths more than people deaths. I just don't click with people I guess? Animals are more innocent? I've been a recluse since 17 years old due to medical issues, so maybe something *is* broken with me? It's just one of those things that we get or don't. Maybe it's a case by case basis thing? I have no clue. People smarter than I - which isn't hard in the slightest - have probably pondered this same question and came to clearer answers and understanding. I'd probably feel more grief if a youngin' were to pass? I dunno, I just know that I hate funerals. I just think that most people anymore just don't actually care and are putting on a false mask because they think they have to do so. Then again, most of my extended family were vultures who couldn't wait to pick at the stuff left behind and I grew to be disgusted by them on sheer principle. On the other hand, I do have to admit that I get incredibly angry when someone desecrates the dead, or besmirches their legacy for a quick buck. Like, when my great great uncle passed, I was somewhat sad I couldn't go see him much anymore, but when we learned that some of his great grandson's "friends" had spooked the mental midget into thinking the place was haunted and pilfered every last bit of stuff for a quick buck because he was too scared to check the place I was absolutely furious and wanted heads on pikes. I legitimately wanted to kill those fuckers with my own hands. All those family heirlooms, all the family photos, all the war memorabilia (The uncle served in WW2 in the Pacific theater, at least) from him and his brothers who were long gone before him, all the little keepsakes he'd gathered over the years in his humble means... all of it, gone practically overnight. I think, at least personally, the going isn't the sad part. We all gotta go, and I've accepted that. Too many people died in my formative years to really make me see it as anything more or less than that. The part that makes me sad is when people let it rip them to shreds or use it as an excuse to hurt others or let themselves fall.

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