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So my father died a month ago. It was suicide by cop. He was a Vietnam vet. He had dementia. We used to be close, but family drama split the family 20 years ago. I've been an utter mess. I went from getting 3-5 hours a sleep a night to getting 2 or less. I no longer feel like I'm in reality. I can no longer think straight. I've lost 20 lbs. How does one deal with this level of grief? Like seriously? I'm barely functioning. I don't drink hard alcohol anymore and I don't use drugs anymore so I can't numb this pain. I can't concentrate on anything except the loss. My occultic studies and everything else I have passion for don't interest me.

So my father died a month ago. It was suicide by cop. He was a Vietnam vet. He had dementia. We used to be close, but family drama split the family 20 years ago. I've been an utter mess. I went from getting 3-5 hours a sleep a night to getting 2 or less. I no longer feel like I'm in reality. I can no longer think straight. I've lost 20 lbs. How does one deal with this level of grief? Like seriously? I'm barely functioning. I don't drink hard alcohol anymore and I don't use drugs anymore so I can't numb this pain. I can't concentrate on anything except the loss. My occultic studies and everything else I have passion for don't interest me.

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> if the family split up 20 years ago there was probably alot of things you still wanted to say to him.

There's a ton I wish I could have said. First and foremost that I'm sorry. I did get to tell him that he didn't need to worry about me anymore a week before he died. I made so many terrible decisions in my 20s.