Tell the new boss that you intentionally leverage your skills and technical capabilities in partnership with diverse internal connections for mutually beneficial decision-making and maximized outcomes.
Sounds like you need to watch office space again.
Blackmail?
Hey, it works for the jews.
Hire an emotional support clown to show up with you, have him do tricks
I laughed out loud in the darkness of my screened porch when I read this and scared my gay neighbor who was fumbling with his key to get out of the rain. I think he misconstrued what caused my amusement.
Put on a wig, tell him your pronouns are they/them and give him the Kubrick Stare. https://pic8.co/sh/fOt6Dc.png
"Lemme level with you, Dave. May I call you Dave? I don't even know if that's your name, I started my spiel before you got a chance to introduce yourself. It doesn't really matter. So, Dave, I just wanna let you know where I'm at. I've got a niche here. That is to say I don't work particularly hard, and to be honest I'm not interested in changing that. But I do do one thing around here that no one else can replicate. If that's not good enough for you and you decide you wanna go in another direction, I understand the position you're in. Just please understand my position: I'm not a people person, I'm not a go getter, I'm not really anything other than a guy with a niche. So I won't be sharing any details of my thing with anyone at any point under any circumstances. If you were to decide that me not 'being on board' or whatever is a problem and make some changes, I respect that that. Because I respect high risk gamblers. And if you badly enough need to feed your ego to show a little control over us regular folks lives that you're willing to gamble that you can figure out my thing before not having it run smooth costs you your job, hell I understand. But here I am going on about all this stuff you don't understand, not on your big exciting first day. Well, anyways I don't wanna take up anymore of your time. Good talk, Dave. I'm glad I thought to call it. See you at the picnic." [mouth clicky sound double finger guns and leave]
I like this
Are you Black or Indian? If not, fake it. Are you gay or trans? Flaunt it. Ate you a transniggerfaggot? You won. You don't even have to do anything more but do your standard angry lisp.
Shit in his coffee cup
Warren Ellis' book, "Crooked little vein" starts like that.
How many people are under him? The more the better.
Dude this is so easy, don't be a dramafag. Give him a great sales pitch on what you do, WHO YOU HELP, and why it's necessary with examples of everything.
Thank him for meeting because you've been needing to talk about compensation in light of cost of living going up. Tell him it's not like you bought a sportscar. Groceries are slaughtering you and its only fair to keep the same standard of living from 4yrs ago if not better.
If he brings up metrics, tell him sounds good, great idea, whatever. When you walk out the door forget about the entire thing.
Tell him about the jews
Make sure your late by ten minutes or more to establish dominance and don’t apologize for it or make excuses.
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