You describe half of federal employees and all politicians.

Yep, and 22 years later, I'm still here. Now, the job they interviewed for, and I applied for, was not the job that was listed on the offer letter. I took a chance and accepted the position, and within six months, I was doing the job I now do, which was completely different from both the one I applied for, and the one I accepted. I really do believe that just showing up, keeping your mouth shut, listening and asking questions, and following directions will take you pretty far. Also, don't be a dick.

I bullshitted a job after winning a bid I had thought I sent to the moon. Digging ontop of critical infrastructure infront of various engineers and contractors. I learned how to operate in a day and was proficient after two. I explained my lack of skill on the backhoe was due to being used to a case tri stick not john deere controls. I've since done many jobs and now own my own excavator. So it worked out great! First day though, i was in tears because I thought I was going to lose my ass.

They wanted was a SharePoint guy to setup and maintain various SharePoint sites. What they needed was an Exchange and Office 365 admin/expert. I became said expert and can handle lots of Exchange and Office 365 problems as well as being able to write sloppy PowerShell scripts because I'll be damned if I'm manually updating various settings on hundreds of mailboxes.

Wasn't really expecting to get the job. Bonus fun fact: I broke the dam when I left and they had a massive brain drain.

When I first got a job in animal control I had no experience and in the email I sent I told them if your looking for someone to go in an attic and grab a racoon Im not your man. I know its not quite what you mean but I got the job.

Like 5 times. If sounds professional enough you can convince them.

I put on a sand diaper, used an accent, said I changed my name to something more white and told them I was an expert in building carbon fiber submersibles for high pressure deep see exploration. how did it turn out..?

I'm White, I don't lie.

(though if you lie to a non-White I will not judge)

Nope

I know everybody does that, or at least a lot of people... But nope

And you know why? Because I don't want to be the next costa concordia captain... If there's something I can handle flawlessly I tell it right away, and if there's something I know nothing about or that I'm not comfortable dealing with, same deal

Now did I miss a lot of opportunities? Probably... And maybe that's a good thing...

My current job. Won't dox myself, but long story short is they passed up 2 other better candidates because they wanted a fresh slate to train without any bias, and I had no issues with working in an environment that will expose me to every form of pathogen known to man.

nope