Wife farted on a crowded elevator at the hospital a few years back. Yelled at me in front of everybody for being rude. She caught me off guard and I froze.

I had a job at a utility company. Meter reader. We had to go and collect or shut off the meter when we were not reading meters. I was collecting from this woman once and the bill was $11.47 . Now this woman was in her late 40's to lower 50's in age. She looked and smelled like she had been bar hopping all night and had just gotten home. She was rough! I told her I was there to collect or shut her meter. She took the bill and had started easing over to me saying "well honey, maybe we can "work " something/. Then she saw how much it was. She said, "eleven dollars and forty seven cents!" She took a big step back, looks me up and down, hands me back the bill and said, "Oh hell, I'll just pay it!"

To this day I'm not sure if I should be mad or happy! LOL

I was at a crowded bar waiting outside the bathroom door to use it next. I got in a conversation with some woman there by the door and what ever song the juke box was playing ended and the bar fell silent, and at just that instant, for some reason the woman I was talking to slapped me hard right across my face. I don't remember at all what I said to her but it must have been a doozy. Every eye in the bar was on me.

Got caught reading a book on my post during a nuclear alert excercise. By an inspector and my shift commander. In a nuclear weapons storage area.Hilarity ensued…

I’m embarrassed for my culture and race every day. Everyone is a retard it seems. Except the fine people of poal.

I was the driver in a car with my husband as passenger, and a good friend of his from out of town. Good friend is married to a Chinese girl. Some other driver did something stupid and I blurted out, “Stupid chinky drivers!” A few years later we visited them in England and I wondered why she seemed cold and distant lol.

Dat time we boff dozed off on duty whiles we hads dat guy who hads evry politician an sellebrity on his island in jail. We should probly try ta figer out how ta makes da camras work befor someone impotant gets hurts. Boy was my face black I means red!

The time I fell for an obvious fingerprinting prompt on a message board.

My neurotic ex i sometimes miss, looked like Winona Ryder, were out for breakfast, and we probably each got food poisoning. Newly dating at this point. She had to go home to use the bathroom, cause she only used hers. 'what do you have to shit?' i ask. 'shut up' she says.

Makes me wait downstairs. End up sharting myself. Try to cleanup with Clorox wipes that burned like hell. She comes down to see me without pants with disposables in plastic bag.

We laughed, and it was a good ice breaker, making her more comfortable, knowing she took a shit, and i shit myself.

Damn, now i miss her. She was a regular customer where I worked as teenagers, and we reconnected years later.

OK you fuckers, Ill tell you what Im talking about. Fuckin people across the street were having a party, crashed it several times. Had a gathering at my house. Evidently they found out one guy who was at my house and I guess was well known. They started chanting at him to leave. I was drunk, no shit. I thought I was gonna go over there and fight the whole party. It didnt work out that way, I was blindsided by a dude in the bushes who knew I was coming. Now I was a badass biker fucker (usually) so that made it worse.

Anyway I went home with my embarrassment and put that fucker up against the wall and made him leave. I had a big black eye the next day and had to face my neighbor after that.

I can't remember my most most embarrassing moments, I have a couple. I was standing in line at a club in New York City and I thought I was kind of cool because I knew the doorman. We had gone to college together so I was kind of hyped up with the fact I might get let in for free because he did that from time to time for his friends. So I had a pretty good friend that was a big New York City club promoter come walking up to the line and I hadn't seen him in a while. I might have had a drink or two in me and I flat out saw him and was horrified because he was really skinny and he looked like he'd been living in a ditch. So I blurt out right in the line "blah blah, good to see you! Christ man you look like shit......." That had to have been one of the most fucking retardedest things I've ever done and horrifically embarrassing for both of us. He looked at me and said "what the fuck dude". And of course I double down because I'm me and insulted his appearance more. Needless to say I was pretty much ostracized by my peers and him the whole night because word travelled fast.

Fast forward 2 weeks later, I see him at a friend's house and he laid into me like I've never been laid into before. I apologized profusely but did say that I was concerned for his health but he was right I should have picked a better time to say all that.