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155

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[–] 23 pts

I had no money, but I had to get custody of my children. I only had a part time job, so I used my free time attending custody cases in courtrooms in a tri-state area. I took detailed notes on everything that was said, all courtroom protocol, things that worked, things that didn't work. I hit up attys, stroking their egos, then asking for information to fill in the gaps.

I filed all the proper paperwork myself. Practiced in front of a mirror. Prayed. Wore a suit and tie to court. Breathed deeply. Was carefully impassionate. Told the judge my situation in my opening statement. Called witnesses for myself, and addressed everyone properly. I even put my ex on the stand.

I surprised everyone, especially her atty who had been on the bar for 30 years. He thought he would mop the floor with me being a country rube, but I impressed the judge by following courtroom decorum to a tee.

And I won custody of my kids.

It was a lot of work though.

[–] 4 pts

I was just planning on calling the judge a faggot.

[–] 2 pts

That might work. I read somewhere that high-level freemasonry is into that sort of stuff.

[–] 6 pts

In all cases it’s very bad. The court system sees it as an insult. You are supposed to pay for a lawyer or even agreeing to be represented by a shitty one paid for by the state. I don’t think anyone representing themselves have ever had a good outcome.

[–] 3 pts

Realistically only a lawyer can represent himself, and even then, as you pointed out, the court might not appreciate it, even if you're a lawyer yourself, you still kind of need to come up with a valid excuse to do it even if the law doesn't require you to justify your choice

I wouldn't improvise myself as an helicopter pilot for instance, same deal really, if you fail it's going to hurt and there are thousands of ways to fail

[+] [deleted] 1 pt
[–] 1 pt

I'm ok with insulting the court system

[–] 2 pts

Then you're ok losing to it....

[–] 5 pts

Only I know what I want so I only can represent myself. See you in 20-25 years bro

[–] 4 pts

It's a great idea, you can always appeal for Inadequate Defense!

[–] 4 pts

They got nothing on me, and even if they do, I'll just tell 'em I'm a faggot.

[–] 4 pts

Half of being a lawyer is just seeming relaxed. Just get good and stoned ahead of time and you’ll be fine. And wear your favorite sweat pants for comfort.

Another solution is giving out candy to the jury. They love that shit.

Order pizza, object a lot, take calls on your phone so you seem important. Be what I like to call a “wildcard”. Judge will assume you’ve got shit going on and will forgive you for sexually fondling that alpaca.

[–] 2 pts

don't forget to say you are smarter than than black supreme court justice who doesn't know what a woman is because you know a vagina when you see one

[–] 1 pt

This is workable intel.

Asian vagina looks like a fortune cookie.

[–] 2 pts

You know everything whereas the lawyer only knows what you have told them. Think about the implications of that.

[–] 1 pt

"He who represents himself in court, has a fool for a client." ~unknown

[–] 1 pt

I will plead guilty to crimes I could not have committed.

[–] 1 pt

Everything is negotiable. Best way for the middle and lower class is to get contingency agreement (no pay unless you get an award).

If you have to hire a lawyer, ask upfront what the fees are, ask them to make you a budget up to but not including trial. Ask for the heck of it what the extra trial cost would be so you know what your stakes are. The goal is to settle early before trial costs. If the lawyer can't make a detailed budget (itemized to written discovery, depositions, motions, trial preparation, trial) and if the lawyer can't say they would stick to the budget within a certain % error, then find another lawyer who knows and has experience enough to be able to give you a budget and work within that budget. Actually, if you're not in a rush, you can compare budgets. Or early in the case take your lawyer's budget and compare what budget the lawyer gave you to what another lawyer would charge.

Best advice: Go contingency if at all possible. If hourly, get a budget and make the lawyer stick to it and tell you what they'll do for you if they can't stick to budget - make it clear in writing you hire them because of the budget. You know they'll say they can't guarantee something won't come up that wasn't in the budget, but they should stick to within 10% error, right? If they can't, would they stick within 50% error (charge you 1.5 times the budget they make)? Then 50% error is too much uncertainty in expense for you. If they have no plan and no willingness to charge a lower price when off budget, that tells you how confident they are in their ability to budget. You'll at least be able to judge from their reaction if you want to go forward. Put in writing you are depending on them being on budget and % error discussed, you are hiring them due to budget and put in writing your understanding of what they will do if they go off budget. Everything is negotiable. If you put it in writing make sure the lawyer's contract where you hire them has a written note that includes your agreement on the budget (they have boilerplate to protect themselves from anything verbal, you need to protect yourself from their budget errors)

You don't want to be billed beyond what they said it would cost and clean out your life savings or put you in debt long after the case because a lawyer WILL say they will withdraw from your case unless you pay their bill, leaving you screwed with a half-done case facing trial alone). Good luck.

[–] 1 pt

I will never pay another Human so speak for me.

[–] 1 pt

so

kek

[–] 1 pt

Depends heavily on the situation and the type of court. At a minimum, expect to do a lot of homework and research on how it all works. Sometimes, a lawyer is really the best option, even knowing they are cheating lying stealing fucks.

[–] 1 pt

It's generally only good in movies.

[–] 0 pt

I object!

Due to the judge looking at me with them fag eyes.

Jury looks kinda queer too.

[–] 1 pt

The only time this is generally advisable is for minor civil suits where the consequences are minimal and paying for a lawyer wouldn't make sense, like suing someone for a few hundred dollars.

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