Husband leads, wife follows. Both take care of themselves physically and have similar standards for each other. If one is a little pudgy it's okay for the other to be but both should try to keep healthy. It's tougher the older you get.... Mutual respect and love are crucial. Have sex regularly. It's a gift from God and part of His plan for marriage. It helps maintain the bonds of marriage by satisfying the mutual need for sexual intimacy. As you get older intimacy will be more important than sex but sex definitely supports intimacy. Make time for each other. Spend time together. Read the Bible and go to church together. Pray together. Try to eat at least one meal together every day. Put the phone away while you do this. Give each other space and time for hobbies but don't overdo it. Hobbies have to be convenient enough they don't interfere with the other duties of a spouse and parent. They also can't put an undo burden upon one spouse. Love making should be loving. If it requires a lot of accessories you're not making it about loving but about pursuing some screwed up fantasy in your head. This is idolatry. Stay away from it. Read the Song of Solomon together.