I had no idea how stupid my sister was until I brought an ostrich egg to her house with me on a visit. I'd picked it up the day before at an ostrich ranch and it was gonna be so cool to have that much egg for her and her kids and myself. Dumb ass burned it. No seasoning, scorched till it reeked, no butter or oil at all. I was totally shocked.
Yes, if a grown woman can't cook an egg she is mentally incompetent.
That is hillarious. The craziest part it only takes 2 weeks of training to learn the basics of cooking and maybe another 2 weeks of practice. Everything else is just adding on skills. Well, for basic bitch cooking anyway, but, basic bitch lasagna and basic bitch chilli and basic bitch cream of mushroom soup are not only trivial but are miles and miles and miles ahead of what you can get at a restaurant or in a can. It does take a bit of practice to really kind of master the art, kind of like a sushi chef keeps on improving how to to clean rice for his whole career.
I posted below that when people are learning the basics of cooking online, they should only watch videos from asians, the french and italians.
Everyone MUST ignore all cooking instructions from basic bitch white people. Ther eis a reason for that: in our culture people are not taught the dozen, maybe two dozen principles of cooking about 80% of the worlds food. Instead, white people memorize recipies and try to replicate percentage ingredients thinking that is what cooking is all about. Even fucking Gordon Ramsay falls into the trap, watch Pasta Grammar review his carbonara here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4a7WxMdx3I
This carboranara she shows in the video, takes 10 minutes (seriously) and you WON'T be going back to white people food after you learn what real cooking is.
That Italian woman from Pasta Grammar KNOWS how to cook. She's the real deal.
Baking is about measuring ingredients EXACTLY every single time, baking is a science. Cooking is more of an art, a set of about a dozen maybe a bit more patterns of cooking out of which you can make virtually anything.
Your sister is just following white cultural norms of mediocrity when it comes to cuisine.
// EDIT: Ha! Found it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYPIM4hEb3k
Watch the commentary, especially when the fucking white woman cooks spaghetti. It's not just that the food is disgusting, what is truly revolting is how that fucking white woman is so self satisfied with what she made. White women can be fucking hilarious.
First off, my sister is a fucking moron. So much so, I refuse to even speak to her as I can get a more productive conversation out of my chickens.
Thanks for the fun video, it was well worth watching. Apparently, I'm cooking pasta the way this lady does and I learned all on my own from experimentation.
Yes to salt in the water and I kind of guesstimate the amount I want. I cook about ten minutes of boiling and never add pasta until it starts boiling. Some pasta I will no longer buy as it sheds too much starch or something. I've tried some whole wheat pasta and some was good and some not so much.
Anyways, after I am happy with the texture I drain in strainer and return to pot where I add enough olive oil and oregano to make me happy. It can't be just a few flakes or completely bombed, but just enough to have a presence in flavor and usually it needs no more salting. I like the olive oil for the added flavor and to keep it from clumping. I don't like it too soft. I've had spaghetti at Hometown Buffet and it's garbage. My chickens would go nuts over it. They serve the stuff overcooked and have added no salt to the cooking water. Then they have it in a pot with standing water. Yech.
For the sauce I do my own thing. I mix lean hamburger with crushed chili, salt and fresh crushed black pepper. I don't have a pepper grinder so I use an old cup and a dowel to crush by hand. I actually add several kinds of chili to my hamburger. I flatten the burger into a thin patty with a spatula and a plastic container or a casserole dish then let it sit while I get some onions and garlic diced and simmering in a bit of olive oil and salt with some vinegar. I may add some oregano also and some other chili that isn't spicy. Cook it down nicely like a saute . Scoop it out and place in separate container. Go straight to cooking up my hamburger patty but turn it over after first side is seared nicely. Not too long cooking on first side or the flavor will be destroyed. While second side is cooking on medium heat I use spatula to break it up into smaller bite sized chunks. Soon as that's done I drain off most of the fat and add back the onions and garlic. Like the lady said, don't go nuts with the garlic as it can overpower the onions.
And here's where I cheat. I add cheap spaghetti sauce from the jar. Yep. I don't know how to make spaghetti sauce so I cheat.
If I had home canned tomatoes I would learn to make my own sauce but it's kind of a wasted effort if I'm working with store bought tomato sauce so I haven't worked on learning a decent sauce. The sauces I do like are a bit too high priced so I've just switched to cheaper sauces and spruce them up.
Also, what's great is cooking down mushrooms and adding them to the sauce. I like to cook mushrooms and onions separately so I don't infuse the mushrooms with onions.
After I mix in the spaghetti sauce with meat and veggies I let simmer for a couple minutes as I bring everything up to the right heat and then ladle the sauce over my spaghetti. Only the spaghetti I am going to eat. I really hate it when people mix it all together to serve. No, no, no. It must be ladled onto the top of the spaghetti in it's own bowl you eat from.
Nice!
Here is a basic pasta sauce recipe:
RECIPE: mirapoix + canned tomatoes or strained tomatoes = basic pasta sauce.
THAT IS IT. NOTHING MORE.
Seriously. That video about how she makes carbonara? Same with pasta sauce. It is far less ingredients than you can possibly imagine.
What is mirapoix? Italian and french mirapoix is onions + carrots + celery sweated off in a bit of extra virgin olive oil until it is translucent. I prefer just onions + garlic sweated off until they are translucent (never ever ever ever burnt, very very low heat). Mirapoix is a poor mans way of adding umami taste to soups and sauces.
So:
1) Mirapoix: cook off 1 onion and a bunch of garlic in olive oil until transluscent. They loose all their smell and become something completely different.
2) Add 1 can of San Marzano tomatoes OR 1 bottle of strained tomatoes. Alwasy look for D.O.P. on either product, always make sure it comes from Italy. Keep on shopping until you find a brand you like. Also, strained tomatoes / canned tomatoes are supposed to be PURE TOMATOES ONLY but even bloody Italians will put in citric acid to make it stay longer on the shelf, it ends up tasting lemony.
You are looking for either San Marzano region (d.o.p.) on can tomatoes from Italy or bottle of strained tomatoes (bottle should ideally have d.o.p. on it as well).
All that is happening with the shopping instructions is you are looking to REMOVE any ingredients except tomatoes. Manufacturers will do whatever they can to sneak in ingredients thinking you won't notice. Also, I stopped trying to find North American suppliers, there might be some that exist that know what they are doing but white people, we don't cook we ruin food even when they are supposed to be pure and just canned tomatoes / bottle tomato sauce. I just stopped sourcing white people ingredients except meat and eggs.
3) Cook for an hour preferably two or more. Just keep on adding water as it evaporates so the sauce doesn't burn.
I know this sounds like a joke. That is a basic tomato sauce.
... now ...
4) Pizza sauce - add a bit of oregano or maybe just some fresh basil, whatever you prefer. Maybe neither and just plain pasta sauce is fine.
5) Bolognese - while your pasta sauce is cooking, in a separate pan cook off lean ground pork well, make sure to drain the pork fat. Not everyone likes the taste of pork fat you can always add pork fat as you like. Add it in at the beginning of the sauce, cook for 1 to 3 hours, to your preference. Pork makes a huge difference, but beef is fine or 50/50.
Notice no salt or almost any spices at all so far, not even salt or pepper (you need salt in the water when cooking pasta of course)? This is why white people kill food, we think cooking is adding spices. It isn't, cooking is just cooking the minimum amount natural ingredients and tasting the natural ingredients ONLY. You know what the difference is between properly cooked (unspiced naturally tasting food) and spicy food? Naturally tasting food was developed in northern climates where food preservation is not a worry. All foods that are spicy come from very warm climates where spoilage is a problem. Things like chilli and curries were developed not only as preservation methods to store food for a little longer than normal, if you are deadly poor and deadly hungry heavy spicing allows for the use of meats and veg that are just on the edge of spoilage.
So, you know the basic tomato sauce above?
6) Basic chilli = basic bolognese + chilli spices
7) Butter chicken sauce = basic tomato sauce from above + cream + butter chicken style curry spices
8) Most tomato based Indian sauces = basic tomato sauce from above + Indian spices
Cooking is dumb.
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