People do not like to acknowledge death or speak of it because it reminds them death is coming for them one day too. It is easier to ignore things than deal with the feelings they bring up. That being said, her own folks saying negative things about their deceased daughter is kind of fucked up. They might just be assholes.
When my wife was alive, my ex-MIL would play a game with my wife's brother. They would gang up on her, and pretty much shame her for being the outlier, and that if she would just compromise a bit, they could all get along. This was just a way of dumping the family problems onto my wife, because no one in that family wanted to realize they were the ones being narcicistic assholes. And there are many cases where this happened, where her side of the family would immediately start telling her she had to be nicer, when her own brother assaulted her, or telling her she's too confrontational, when there was direct proof that the family was causing problems. Part of me feels she died from the stress related with having to deal with such covert vipers day in and day out
I doubt that was the sole cause but that family does seem toxic as hell. Should have made her cut off contact with them for her own sake.
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