Eventually, you will have to dust yourself off and do the same. It may not be what you want to hear and there are a lot of ways to honor someone's memory respectfully without overburdening yourself. I had a friend in preschool who ended up being my girlfriend when we were young. It was innocent enough. We were T boned coming home from a party when I was 15. Took about 10 years until I didn't think about it everyday. I, of course, buried it in a variety of unhealthy ways but that's easier to live through when you're young. Take care of yourself. I haven't seen her family or friends since the funeral. Decades. It's natural for people to withdraw and shut out the pain. Parallel processing is important. Find a new hobby with your hands. Distract yourself with it. Find a new set of people who have no idea what happened and it will help you build emotional resiliency. Loss is a pass/fail test everyone has to go through, at some point. Parents. Siblings. Friends. Spouses. When you hit your 50s, it starts happening more and more. When you're young, it's car crashes, overdoses, suicides and freak accidents. As you get older, it gets more mundane. Less instant. It's a different kind of thing to have to watch someone slowly die and harder, in many ways. It comes for us all and the fleeting aspect is what makes our moments, while we are alive, have meaning. But that meaning lies entirely within yourself. It does not lie with those other people. Don't worry about them.