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462

I am sure a Jew was involved.

Story time! A few years ago I was at this shitty insurance company and I got pulled into a project that needed code review and my unlucky ass got selected. Anyway, every morning was the stand up meeting and the pajeet SCUM master took that shit literally. No one was allowed to sit in the conference room. Anyway this guy who recently had hip (or leg, I forgot) surgery joined the team and he sat down in the conference room. Dude was late 50s so probably 60s now. Pajeet even asked the guy to stand up. I said hey, the guy is on crutches and shit. WTF? Anyway, this street shitter mother fucker decided to take out all the chairs of the conference room so no one could sit down. So the next day there were no chairs in the conference room. Well I knew where this pajeet sat so when the guy with bum leg showed up I walked over to pajeet's desk and stole his chair and gave it to the guy. Now the guy was clearly not comfortable with the situation but I said I needed to prove a point to this asshole you can't treat people like this. The rest of the team was taking my side and laughing. I am guessing they knew this pajeet was a dickwad and just put up with it.

So pajeet had the meeting, got the status and assignments for the day and I went back upstairs to my area. Wouldn't you know that pajeet called my boss and told him what I had done. Of course leaving out key pieces of data. So my boss wants to know how I pissed off this guy on day 2 of a six month project and I explained everything to him. He told me not to worry about anything and he'd take care of this. The next day I head to the stand up and all the chairs are in the conference room with most of the team sitting down or standing. Pajeet isn't saying shit about anything except the project....and it was my last day on the project. Yes! This shit wasn't going to work anyway and I was right. They scrapped the whole idea 2 months later and bought a product that generated test data. Oh yeah...that was project. Code up some shit to generate fake data for testing applications.

Never heard anything about the situation ever again. I was put on other projects for the next couple of years. My boss never said a thing to me about it.

This might have nothing to do with anything but I and cripple dude were the only whites on the team. Rest were street shitters.

EDIT: It just occurred to me I just wrote up an entire story that has nothing to do with Agile being a shit frame work. It is though.

I am sure a Jew was involved. Story time! A few years ago I was at this shitty insurance company and I got pulled into a project that needed code review and my unlucky ass got selected. Anyway, every morning was the stand up meeting and the pajeet SCUM master took that shit literally. No one was allowed to sit in the conference room. Anyway this guy who recently had hip (or leg, I forgot) surgery joined the team and he sat down in the conference room. Dude was late 50s so probably 60s now. Pajeet even asked the guy to stand up. I said hey, the guy is on crutches and shit. WTF? Anyway, this street shitter mother fucker decided to take out all the chairs of the conference room so no one could sit down. So the next day there were no chairs in the conference room. Well I knew where this pajeet sat so when the guy with bum leg showed up I walked over to pajeet's desk and stole his chair and gave it to the guy. Now the guy was clearly not comfortable with the situation but I said I needed to prove a point to this asshole you can't treat people like this. The rest of the team was taking my side and laughing. I am guessing they knew this pajeet was a dickwad and just put up with it. So pajeet had the meeting, got the status and assignments for the day and I went back upstairs to my area. Wouldn't you know that pajeet called my boss and told him what I had done. Of course leaving out key pieces of data. So my boss wants to know how I pissed off this guy on day 2 of a six month project and I explained everything to him. He told me not to worry about anything and he'd take care of this. The next day I head to the stand up and all the chairs are in the conference room with most of the team sitting down or standing. Pajeet isn't saying shit about anything except the project....and it was my last day on the project. Yes! This shit wasn't going to work anyway and I was right. They scrapped the whole idea 2 months later and bought a product that generated test data. Oh yeah...that was project. Code up some shit to generate fake data for testing applications. Never heard anything about the situation ever again. I was put on other projects for the next couple of years. My boss never said a thing to me about it. This might have nothing to do with anything but I and cripple dude were the only whites on the team. Rest were street shitters. EDIT: It just occurred to me I just wrote up an entire story that has nothing to do with Agile being a shit frame work. It is though.

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[–] • 0 pt

Agile is fine. The problem is retarded people who claim Agile while not doing Agile. They're like people eating donuts on the way home from the gym and claiming "I exercise every day".

Now the guy was clearly not comfortable with the situation but I said I needed to prove a point to this asshole you can't treat people like this Good!

If you do Agile the way you're supposed to it's quite effective. Key word, IF. Dumbasses in leadership often decide to do Agile because buzzwords and then demand everyone do the opposite...and then claim Agile is the problem.

Imagine having a manager, a scrum master, a product owner, and a tech lead. You had to answer to all of them and none simultaneously.

That's fine...if you use them in their proper role. To compare it to something non-IT like building a home:

Manager: This is the HR bimbo who never leaves the construction trailer. She signs your time card, make sure you gets paid, handles vacation schedules, and deals with Jimmy showing up drunk off his ass. The closest she gets to the actual work is if you need three good drywall guys, she makes sure three drywall guys are on the schedule. If you show up on time and do your job, your manager barely interacts with you.

Scrum Master: This is the General Contractor aka cat herder. If Frank the plumber committed to finishing roughing out the plumbing by Tuesday, he calls Frank every day and asks why there are no gosh darned stub outs in the bathrooms and WTF his major malfunction is. If you get the shit you promised done on time, your interaction with your scrum master is five minutes of "Yesterday I ran stub outs to the bathrooms, today I'm doing the kitchen, and there are no impediments to me finishing by Tuesday". Scrum masters should never pick up a hammer, just herd the cats to do their darn job.

Product Owner is the person paying for the build. Let's call her Karen. The principle for Agile is to frame the house, slap some plywood on the roof, and then say "Hey, Karen, now that you can see the framework of a house and how the light hits the real thing, hold up these color swatches and pick a color for the shingles." Rather than expecting Karen to pick 100% of everything before you've even dug the foundation. The key thing about Product Owners is that they're responsible for the features and the budget. If Karen decides to throw a fit and demand the entire house be moved 50' to the left...it's her money. Which incentivizes her to not be a dumb shit with it because any rework comes straight out of her pocket.

Tech Lead: This is the 30 years of experience master plumber who shows up at the job site, eyeballs your work to make sure it's up to code and isn't stupid (garden hoses for gas lines, WTF-do-it-right), and then goes on to the next 10 houses your company is building to repeat the same eyeballing. Then goes back to the office to help estimate costs for projects you're bidding on. If he has to hang around and tell you what to do, either you're royally screwing up or it's some custom one-off job that you have no experience in.

[–] • 0 pt

Using your own gold standard scenario as an example:

You have 4 people mentioned on your team on none of them are portrayed as doing work. Only Frank who isn't even mentioned nor considered a team member is a producer. This is why agile is cancer and those that support it are stupid.