The only time in my life where I was homicidal was when I was forced on SSRIs. I called my mom with a knife in my hand to tell her it wasn't her fault and to come and to fly out to get my cat in the morning. I was going to kill my ex and myself.
She said it was so eerie how calm and sure of myself I was. She sent me a plane ticket that night and I spent a week with her. I went back home and packed up my stuff and cat and moved in with her for a few months and she got me off the SSRIs.
I had been afraid to leave my ex because he was always threatening to hurt my cat, get me fired from work, and to have me locked up using the equivalent of Cali's 5150.
I went to a therapist thinking she could help me get away but instead she threatened me with institutionalization unless I took the drugs and she kept having my blood tested.
Those drugs are not the answer. It has been 16 years and I wonder what that 6 months of drugs did to me. I don't blush as often which was actually the first side effect I noticed and that never came back. I just hope that everything else is relatively normal. Oh, they also caused me to have to have my gallbladder removed.
Damn that sounds terrible. Your mother is a saint. I'm glad you were able to turn things around so drastically.
Yeah, she's great. She found me a talk therapist who was just a psychologist so she couldn't force drugs on me. She was amazing. She realized I had fixed my own borderline personality disorder by reading psychology books so she recommended ones that were appropriate for me and we would discuss them. My dad is a psychopath and performed all kinds of mental experiments on me as a kid trying to make me an unthinking slave. So I didn't see anything wrong with other controlling psychopaths, it felt normal. I read a ton on psychopaths and C-PTSD and actually have boundaries, now. She deemed me healthy after 9 month of therapy and sent me on my way. She was great. She said some weird stuff but it was because she was old. Stuff like I would intimidate nice guys and that I should hide my brains and geekiness if I wanted to date lol.
I've been in a great relationship for 10 years, now. Also diagnosing and treating my thyroid disorder myself has helped a lot, as well. Your thyroid does more than you think when it comes to mental stuff and thyroid issues are super common in women but docs would rather treat the billions of crazy symptoms that come with it.
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