Those shoes look like what would happen if a safe were dropped on a human. No time to make a sound other than being completely crushed.

A fat woman came into the store today, she had squeezed her way into a tent, that was missing the canopy, complaining that her heels broke off and it was hurting her hoofs. I explained to her that like an elevator, they have a 2 ton weight limit. She starts mooing about suing me, so I ask her if that would be from the law firm of Häagen and Dazs. She said "How dare you say thay to my face?". I tell her I would say it behind her back, but my car's only got a half a tank of gas.