She is always looking at the bank account. Always asking if I paid this or that; after everything’s paid always ask if I’d have extra money and if I do what I’m planning for it... (I’m never late or haven’t been in anytime I can remember since we’ve been married) Now I think I no why; she’s trying to see if I’m doing what she’s been doing all along.
Projection every time.
Next time she pesters you about having paid the bills, say "nah, just pay that bill from your account okay, thanks."
I have been thinking about this. Doing the next mortgage payment or some other large one
I wouldn't be to harsh man, you sound like your in it and pissed. I'd cool off before approaching the situation.
Agreed. I’m trying to give it a week and just think about it all.
Just remember this is the type of situation where your emotions are your enemy, you need to act and think based on logic and reason not anger or passion.
sounds like. did she grow up without money or have you guys been in a bad spot financially before? could it be a control thing so you guys don't end up in a bad spot? I hope it's just something like that but even if it is that is something that should have been discussed with you. good luck with that conversation, if your a praying man pray before you bring it up.
She came from a very very poor family and I’ve thought this might be part of it too...
I’ve always kept thing paid and been employed since we’ve been together as far as I can recall. I had a little credit card debt but that was paid off 4 or so years ago.
Sounds like instinctive behaviour from growing up poor. It could be subconsciously programmed from watching her parents, or even from a past life. So definitely don't assume it's nefarious. (And even if it is nefarious, you're still better off with her not thinking you suspect her of nefariousness.) It needs to be talked out respectfully and supportively. Just let her know, without being angry about it, that the breach of trust is not okay and you expect her to be upfront with you.
(post is archived)