I wasn't going to respond at first, but after reading through your reply's below, decided you may find my two cents helpful. As a youth, I had many questions that went unanswered and I observed what I considered contradictions between what was taught and the symbolism/traditions we used. For awhile I'd refer to myself as a "lapsed catholic" but even that made me uneasy because deep down I knew I'd never be a "practicing catholic" again. But I also wasn't ready to abandon Jesus. Even after reading and thinking about what we know about Jesus, the historical perspective in which he taught, its subversion when used as the Roman state religion and its clear adoption of both pre-christ & post-christ pagan beliefs & rituals I *still* couldn't say out loud "I'm not a Christian". I had to ask myself, what exactly do I believe? I'm can't be a nihilist because I believe there is something, not nothing. And I can observe in the world around me that, whatever that "something" is, it's beautiful and worthy of praise. But this doesn't answer what that "something" looks like or the words capable of description. I believe Jesus was a real person. I believe he was an exceptionally bright child from a well-off family, Hebrew family. I believe his intelligence was identified early and was brought to study under leading Hebrew scholars & leaders of the faith. I believe he came to see faults between what was preached and what was practiced by the religions elites. I believe it eventually lead to him leaving that path for the path we understand him to have pursued. I believe his message, at it's core, was an attempt to explain why we don't need a religious elite or structure to guide us toward God and that being a good and just person is a worthy pursuit in of itself, not as a means to an end. I see similarities between Jesus & Socrates (The Republic) with the words of Socrates being better preserved. I believe much of the ceremony is unnecessary and even counter to what Jesus argued. I doubt he was an actual deity or a half-deity that performed miracles but for me that doesn't lesson the importance of what I believe he was trying to teach. I believe the book of Paul is probably the best source for what happened. I know an invading Roman army driven by a religion founded within the middle-east forced my ancestors to adopt a foreign faith. I believe that it's progression through Europe & the Americas effectively made Christianity a pagan religion and that the way some choose to follow necessitate submission to Jews/Israel. I believe Jesus was a good and righteous mortal and some of what he preached has undoubtedly made the world a better place but I've also come to find comfort in many of the ideas, beliefs and ceremonies of my true European ancestors. So is it fair to call myself a Christian? Probably not, but maybe a christian with a lower case "c" would be a better descriptor. So what of the soul? I believe there is a growing body of evidence and philosophical thought supporting the idea that there is something about us beyond the biological, that there is something intangible with enormous significance. I believe there are things beyond our senses and this non-biological essence is key to our ability to connect with what we can't see, touch, taste or smell what's plainly in the universe all around us. I believe something happens to this non-biological essence once the body dies and that it's entirely possible that the life we lead now has influence on what happens after death. I can only guess as to the status of your "soul" but it may be worth asking yourself about the wrongs you've committed and the guilt you carry for past actions and what you can do to relieve the weight it bears upon you. Look at the path you now follow, the actions you carry out on a day to day basis, and ask yourself if those actions align with what you believe to be a path for a good & just life. One that, on your death bed, can be looked back upon with pride.