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146

I'm making another post for the final draft so I can get last opinions before mailing this off to the White House. I'm mainly looking at the last sentence "Please write back to me to make sure that the President has gotten my letter. Either he himself can write it to me or someone from his staff can." Thanks again everyone

Edit: Needed to reword a sentence

Edit 2: Needed to move a sentence and add return address

  • President Donald J. Trump
  • The White House
  • 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW

  • Washington, DC 20500

  • Dear Mr. President,

  • My name is <insert real name here>, I reside in <insert location here>.

  • There’s a six year old boy named James Younger who lives in Texas. James’s mother is currently forcing this boy to be a girl. James clearly prefers to be a boy. His mother is ready to have him injected with the chemicals to change him into a girl when he turns eight years old. The boy’s father, Jeff Younger, has been fighting to get full custody of James. James’s parents are divorced. Jeff’s also been fighting to prevent James from getting the chemicals injected into him as well. He’s all alone in the case going against the two biggest law firms in Texas. He lost his job since he had been accused by his ex-wife of child abuse for telling James he’s a boy.

  • The website setup to support the father’s case claims that the chemicals can “cause serious damage including sterility and bone density issues.” The court has prevented Jeff from telling James he’s a boy. Jeff also can’t discuss his religious views with James as well. Jeff also must refer to James as “Luna” in public, per a court order. Apparently in Texas, doctors can perform sex-change surgeries on kids as young as eight years old. And, the parent that doesn’t have primary custody can be forced by the courts to pay for such surgery. If they don’t, they can lose parental rights along with receiving jail time.

  • I feel the laws need to be changed to prevent this from happening to young children. Also, Texas Governor Gregg Abbott should be made aware of this as well along with the Texas State Legislature. Former Texas State Representative Matt Rinaldi had supported Jeff’s case. A letter that former Texas State Rep. Rinaldi wrote to Jeff will be enclosed with this letter.

  • I have enclosed multiple documents from the website supporting Jeff’s case. There’s more information on the website as well if you’d like to read further on this case. There’s also court documents on the website regarding the case that can be read as well.

  • Please write back to me to make sure that the President has gotten my letter. Either he himself can write it to me or someone from his staff can. My return address is <insert address here>. This is not what America should do to its children.

  • Sincerely,

<insert real name here>

I'm making another post for the final draft so I can get last opinions before mailing this off to the White House. I'm mainly looking at the last sentence "Please write back to me to make sure that the President has gotten my letter. Either he himself can write it to me or someone from his staff can." Thanks again everyone Edit: Needed to reword a sentence Edit 2: Needed to move a sentence and add return address - President Donald J. Trump - The White House - 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW - Washington, DC 20500 - Dear Mr. President, - My name is <insert real name here>, I reside in <insert location here>. - There’s a six year old boy named James Younger who lives in Texas. James’s mother is currently forcing this boy to be a girl. James clearly prefers to be a boy. His mother is ready to have him injected with the chemicals to change him into a girl when he turns eight years old. The boy’s father, Jeff Younger, has been fighting to get full custody of James. James’s parents are divorced. Jeff’s also been fighting to prevent James from getting the chemicals injected into him as well. He’s all alone in the case going against the two biggest law firms in Texas. He lost his job since he had been accused by his ex-wife of child abuse for telling James he’s a boy. - The website setup to support the father’s case claims that the chemicals can “cause serious damage including sterility and bone density issues.” The court has prevented Jeff from telling James he’s a boy. Jeff also can’t discuss his religious views with James as well. Jeff also must refer to James as “Luna” in public, per a court order. Apparently in Texas, doctors can perform sex-change surgeries on kids as young as eight years old. And, the parent that doesn’t have primary custody can be forced by the courts to pay for such surgery. If they don’t, they can lose parental rights along with receiving jail time. - I feel the laws need to be changed to prevent this from happening to young children. Also, Texas Governor Gregg Abbott should be made aware of this as well along with the Texas State Legislature. Former Texas State Representative Matt Rinaldi had supported Jeff’s case. A letter that former Texas State Rep. Rinaldi wrote to Jeff will be enclosed with this letter. - I have enclosed multiple documents from the website supporting Jeff’s case. There’s more information on the website as well if you’d like to read further on this case. There’s also court documents on the website regarding the case that can be read as well. - Please write back to me to make sure that the President has gotten my letter. Either he himself can write it to me or someone from his staff can. My return address is <insert address here>. This is not what America should do to its children. - Sincerely, <insert real name here>

(post is archived)

[–] • 2 pts

That's sick and sad child abuse case. I hope your letter with get them to do something about it.

[–] • 2 pts

Is the last sentence any good? I'm not sure if that's appropriate for me to ask that of the President and his staff.

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

The letter should be succinct and only inform. They will send a form letter back anyway. If it's well worded, it could make a strong case. Stick to facts, without emotion. But, the facts should engender emotion in the reader, in order to be effective.

[–] • 1 pt

Should I keep my sentence where I say that "I feel that this is sickening and should not be happening in our country" ?

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

How do you know that James clearly prefers to be a boy? That needs backup with a reference or comment like "James has stated that he wants to be what God made him to be". Or, some such, if he actually said that. Any statement made in the letter must be 100% verifiable considering the prospective audience.

[–] • 1 pt

I have to go do something. When I get back I'll add in more. Thanks for the help

[–] • 1 pt (edited )

Ugh. It's way way way too long bud. Keep it short and to the point. Four or five sentences max. His staff will only look at it for ten or fifteen seconds (if at all).

Like this:

I'm a constituent concerned about James Younger a 6yr old boy in Texas who is forcibly undergoing hormone treatment against his and his father's wishes to alter his biological sex. I am writing to advocate a change in this law led by your administration. His rights and his father's rights are being bound up in court through a misinterpretation and application of current family law. I hope you will take the time to study and address this issue. I have attached documentation for your review.

Sincerely, Your name

I use to write fundraising annual appeal letters that would be sent out to thousands of people. Rule of thumb: you have to get your point made in the first two sentences or it's already in the trash pile. Skip the details, his aids will fill him in (example: they know the governor, you don't need to name him).

If enough people write in on this topic that reach critical mass, then it will signal to his support team this is an issue he needs to speak out on. Not likely to happen otherwise. They receive THOUSANDS of letters a day. Probably even more with the invention of protest write in campaigns by the left and the evolution of technology like move on.org that allows a template to autofill and mail a letter. The days of a little 9 year old boy influencing Abraham Lincoln to grow out his beard through a letter are over. Like everything else, the mail room is also weaponized. Also, don't demand a return response. It's not going to happen. That made me laugh out loud.

Hey, you asked

[–] • 0 pt

Thanks for the feedback. It's much appreciated

[–] • 0 pt

Tomorrow, do you want to get on the Mumble chat to help me write it at 11:00 AM EDT? may be helping me as well

[–] • 1 pt

I can't commit to live, but if you want to send me your draft after you are done, at some point in the day I will try to review it. Good luck. I applaud you writing in.

[–] • 1 pt

Thank you I'll make more revisions tomorrow and send it to you. I'm making changes based upon what all of you are saying here on Poal.

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

The active/passive tone should be consistent within a paragraph, at the least. I recommend changing "I am a resident of" to "I reside at (or in)". I'd remove the last sentence in paragraph one such that you remove "does not directly concern me". That alone lowers any expectation of the importance of your letter. Instead try Something short, since the intern reading it doesn't want to spend time reading more words than necessary. In front of "There's a six ..." Put "Please note that " Also, drop the "Jame's mother is ..." sentence and get right to the issue of "preparing to inject his body with female hormones to induce gender reassignment", and so on. It needs to be pithy, and yet informative, to be moved on to the next reader up the chain and get noticed.

[–] • 1 pt

I made the changes to paragraph one as you suggested

[–] • 0 pt

Is this the sentence that needs to go? If you want, feel free to rewrite this entire paragraph and repost it.

Edit: Go to savejames.com if you want more info.

Please not that there’s a six year old boy named James Younger who lives in Texas. James’s mother is currently forcing this boy to be a girl. James clearly prefers to be a boy. His mother is ready to have him injected with the chemicals to change him into a girl when he turns eight years old. The boy’s father, Jeff Younger, has been fighting to get full custody of James. James’s parents are divorced. Jeff’s also been fighting to prevent James from getting the chemicals injected into him as well. He’s all alone in the case going against the two biggest law firms in Texas. He lost his job since he had been accused by his ex-wife of child abuse for telling James he’s a boy.

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

Yes. it's redundant. Also, if you don't mind change the word "chemicals" to "hormones and drugs". Everything in life is a chemical, if it's not a mineral or a metal. Hormone ratios determine ones gender.

[–] • 1 pt

Do you want to go onto the Mumble server so you can help me with writing this letter?

Is the Mumble server usable ?

[–] • 1 pt

&gt"There’s more information on the website as well if you’d like to read further on this case. There’s also court documents on the website regarding the case that can be read as well.

This is unnecessary as it can be assumed the website has this information.

>I feel the laws need to be changed to prevent this from happening to young children.

This needs rewording. It's fine to get your opinion across, but it sounds like you're asking the executive branch to legislate.

Overall it's pretty good and can be stronger with a bit of editing.