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I will start this by saying I dont need your sympathy for this...I have come to terms with what it is.

What I need from you, because you all for the most part are decent people....real people that on voat helped me, and maybe you can now.

So some you know from my past submissions of voat (adhdferret and later AR47) that i had a less than best childhood. Was beaten for al.ost a decade of myife when it began, and then some more by others.

Just what it was, and my mother and step father were the ones that did this. There is documentation of it in court records when I was a ward of the state after the last beating that almost killed me.

If you need accounts of this I can relay them to you in comments but I will warn you it is going to be hard to read.

Today....she contacts me out of the blue telling me she has cancer and needs her affairs in order to make her will and she needs my contact info.

Keep in mind she has never done a thing for me save giving me birth, but for that I have been her punching bag....lied to when there is documentation of the opposite.

I told her no....I don't want anything from her. Gone this long without it, and I dont need it now. Asssume her role for what she has left and know that she is absolved from the burden of my well being.

Then it starts.....the psychopath in her gets to working. Dismissive of all things.....saying that everyone else made shit up, and she was a good mother.

The court, my father, and that she was forced to give me up....i.linked the court case as I have it scanned and saved....she says that isn't it.

It is all made up.....that it is my fault I believed all those lies about her.

Well last time she did see me was when I allowed her to hold my son and I got a picture of it, before she attacked my wife and I broke off all contact.

I told her that if she does indeed believe in God then he will have the decision to forgive her and in so she can do it herself as well.

I did long ago, and didn't want anything from her, but what she could have given me....a mother.

When she does pass I will mourn her, and I am going to frame that picture of her and her grandson to place on her stone.

Because I don't need to remember bad of a dead person...just for what she was that moment...what she did that day.

Then she said I won't get a fucking thing from her ever.....people I cried and I dont do that....not from emotional shit.

I bottle it up like a man does.....but I told her to just leave and take all that with her, as I didn't need her then, and I dont later.

I burned a bridge. Fueled by my own tears, my own feelings and made the decision for my son along with it, which as a father I vowed not to do.....I don't see any other way to protect him from what she really is.

So hopefully I did right....I don't know, but its done now.

Thank you for reading this, and I value your input on this either way.

I will start this by saying I dont need your sympathy for this...I have come to terms with what it is. What I need from you, because you all for the most part are decent people....real people that on voat helped me, and maybe you can now. So some you know from my past submissions of voat (adhdferret and later AR47) that i had a less than best childhood. Was beaten for al.ost a decade of myife when it began, and then some more by others. Just what it was, and my mother and step father were the ones that did this. There is documentation of it in court records when I was a ward of the state after the last beating that almost killed me. If you need accounts of this I can relay them to you in comments but I will warn you it is going to be hard to read. Today....she contacts me out of the blue telling me she has cancer and needs her affairs in order to make her will and she needs my contact info. Keep in mind she has never done a thing for me save giving me birth, but for that I have been her punching bag....lied to when there is documentation of the opposite. I told her no....I don't want anything from her. Gone this long without it, and I dont need it now. Asssume her role for what she has left and know that she is absolved from the burden of my well being. Then it starts.....the psychopath in her gets to working. Dismissive of all things.....saying that everyone else made shit up, and she was a good mother. The court, my father, and that she was forced to give me up....i.linked the court case as I have it scanned and saved....she says that isn't it. It is all made up.....that it is my fault I believed all those lies about her. Well last time she did see me was when I allowed her to hold my son and I got a picture of it, before she attacked my wife and I broke off all contact. I told her that if she does indeed believe in God then he will have the decision to forgive her and in so she can do it herself as well. I did long ago, and didn't want anything from her, but what she could have given me....a mother. When she does pass I will mourn her, and I am going to frame that picture of her and her grandson to place on her stone. Because I don't need to remember bad of a dead person...just for what she was that moment...what she did that day. Then she said I won't get a fucking thing from her ever.....people I cried and I dont do that....not from emotional shit. I bottle it up like a man does.....but I told her to just leave and take all that with her, as I didn't need her then, and I dont later. I burned a bridge. Fueled by my own tears, my own feelings and made the decision for my son along with it, which as a father I vowed not to do.....I don't see any other way to protect him from what she really is. So hopefully I did right....I don't know, but its done now. Thank you for reading this, and I value your input on this either way.

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[–] • 3 pts

If you've endured that, then surely you've read up on NPD.

While I don't recommend reddit to anyone anymore, they had a decent forum there. You have to look beyond all of the bs covid posts and other shilling so not sure how useful it would be to you today. The stories on there were helpful to me, though, before it got too shill-propaganda infested.

She definitely has narcissistic tendencies at the very least. Gaslighting can really do a number on you when you're exposed to it regularly, and narcissists are masters at it. There is also a very high possibility that she is not sick and just manipulating you. This is what narcissists do.

Cutting ties and going no contact is the best for you and your family. She doesn't sound like a mother, but just someone who birthed you. I believe that you make your own family, and blood relation is not a requirement.

She is an abuser and enabled abuse. You would not be doing your duty as a father or husband if you exposed your family to that.

Stay strong. You did the right thing.

[–] [deleted] • 5 pts

Thank you stranger. That helps.

Worse part of this is that she (my mother) contacted my wife to get my attention.

The entire conversation I did screenshots so she knew what happened....now my wife feels responsible and told me she is sorry she did it, and I told her this was something she needed to do.

Something I needed to do, and it just is now.

She sucked it up and I told her she does it again tell me....dont keep it from me. That isn't what she as my wife should do.

[–] • 4 pts

Contacting your wife to get to you is another well-known tactic and I think might've been an attempt to make her the "flying monkey". Your wife shouldn't feel too bad. Again, this is what narcissists do. Yall both need to read up on NPD and understand the tactics and how to handle them.

Again, I dont usually recommend reddit, but check out their older posts in narcissistic abuse or justnomil. Just be warned to overlook shill shit. It was very helpful and therapeutic for me, though.

When you realize what they are, it helps to know that its not you that is crazy. Gaslighting is such a mental fuckery and I hate it so much.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

What is the sub link?

[–] • 1 pt (edited )

That's NPD in a nutshell. If they can't contact you, they'll contact others via proxy and try and manipulate them.

Same shit will happen with your son - it'll all be manipulation tactics. Why submit your son to that bullshit?

Secondly, your wife should be keeping no secrets from you. That's how narcissists drive a wedge between relationships. She shouldn't be keeping secrets from you anyway.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

I won't.

It is why I did what I did...it hurt to do it because I know with me it is final even though I didn't get resolve.

[–] • 0 pt (edited )

I don't know the age of your kid, but understand that there's a good chance he's your mom's next attempted point of contact. I have no advice on what the best way to caution him about it is, but I'd go so far as to tell you to expect it.

my experience in family dynamics being: I found out I had a half-brother when I answered my grandfather's phone for him, and he (the brother) was calling because my physically abusive (and previously disowned) narcissist of a father goaded the kid into calling Grandpa to "check on his health, and see if they could come visit." (Multiple family members had standing restraining orders against Dear Ol' Dad, so the answer was a polite "No. Sorry for your situation, kid."

Edit: didn't see Thalassa's point below. Beat me by nine hours.

[–] • 0 pt

I completely agree with @notsee , you may want to look at borderline as well. Cut ties. Love and lead your wife.

[–] • 1 pt

Well said. I read some of that forum years ago when coming to terms with my father. Amazing how so many people have went through the same thing and it isn't really talked about in the open.

[–] • 2 pts

I wish that I'd come across it a lot sooner. I think people didn't really realize there was a term for it. I use to hear the word narcissist and just thought it meant someone hung up on themselves.

It's an abuse that isnt always physical, so people might also be afraid to get help or information, because heck, "who complains about mental abuse?"

[–] • 0 pt

The subreddit is called justnofamily and there used to be great content there.

Now of course its been hijacked by commies, it is impossible to post here without getting banned (I got my normie accounts banned too) and people bitch about the smallest shit.

Trueoffmychest is a great community that rose becauseoffmychest was... Hijacked by commies that banned everyone.

[–] • 0 pt

I got banned and also faced bigrading, but what really drove me away was the amount of propaganda. Even well before covid, the attack on anyone questioning vaccines was strangely everywhere.

Even in the justnomil sub, you'd start getting shit like, "my mother in law is a narcissist" and it would give narcissist signs but then she was also an anti-vaxxer, racist, etc. While a percentage could've been legit, started seeing this pattern in other subs too often to be natural.

I wish there were a quick way to search or view posts in certain time periods because the user generated content was really great there at one time.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

Reddit is like that. I stand my ground and luckily I have a way with words to convey actual meanings that most understand.

Usually it evens out with their bullshit voting on reddit.

I know that something is killing people....I don't know what it is, but from what I see on the roads and how some states are so serious they have closed rest stops, how police keep their distance in most cases.....and got a friend who is security at a hospital.

He tells me how many are just dying every fucking day..he wouldn't lie to me either. Not about this...it weighs on him you know?

That vaccine scares the living fuck out of me, and that is what I said on reddit....I got the "dont be a pussy" comments.

I also got the yeah it does me too....I wear the mask, I do the distance, wash my hands and now....doesn't matter because one of my main contracts won't let me do inspections after July unless I prove I had the vaccine.

I had the rona twice now...well two positive tests...second time I had it wasn't so bad..the first yeah it wasn't good. Didn't have hospital, but I had severe breathing issues. For two days.

Then a cough for a couple weeks.

I have done 16 tests so far..paid for them out of my own pocket because I won't bring that shit home to my wife and son when I dont understand it myself.

90% of reddit gets that, and the other 10% is just mindless fuck wits with an ax to grind.