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I will start this by saying I dont need your sympathy for this...I have come to terms with what it is.

What I need from you, because you all for the most part are decent people....real people that on voat helped me, and maybe you can now.

So some you know from my past submissions of voat (adhdferret and later AR47) that i had a less than best childhood. Was beaten for al.ost a decade of myife when it began, and then some more by others.

Just what it was, and my mother and step father were the ones that did this. There is documentation of it in court records when I was a ward of the state after the last beating that almost killed me.

If you need accounts of this I can relay them to you in comments but I will warn you it is going to be hard to read.

Today....she contacts me out of the blue telling me she has cancer and needs her affairs in order to make her will and she needs my contact info.

Keep in mind she has never done a thing for me save giving me birth, but for that I have been her punching bag....lied to when there is documentation of the opposite.

I told her no....I don't want anything from her. Gone this long without it, and I dont need it now. Asssume her role for what she has left and know that she is absolved from the burden of my well being.

Then it starts.....the psychopath in her gets to working. Dismissive of all things.....saying that everyone else made shit up, and she was a good mother.

The court, my father, and that she was forced to give me up....i.linked the court case as I have it scanned and saved....she says that isn't it.

It is all made up.....that it is my fault I believed all those lies about her.

Well last time she did see me was when I allowed her to hold my son and I got a picture of it, before she attacked my wife and I broke off all contact.

I told her that if she does indeed believe in God then he will have the decision to forgive her and in so she can do it herself as well.

I did long ago, and didn't want anything from her, but what she could have given me....a mother.

When she does pass I will mourn her, and I am going to frame that picture of her and her grandson to place on her stone.

Because I don't need to remember bad of a dead person...just for what she was that moment...what she did that day.

Then she said I won't get a fucking thing from her ever.....people I cried and I dont do that....not from emotional shit.

I bottle it up like a man does.....but I told her to just leave and take all that with her, as I didn't need her then, and I dont later.

I burned a bridge. Fueled by my own tears, my own feelings and made the decision for my son along with it, which as a father I vowed not to do.....I don't see any other way to protect him from what she really is.

So hopefully I did right....I don't know, but its done now.

Thank you for reading this, and I value your input on this either way.

I will start this by saying I dont need your sympathy for this...I have come to terms with what it is. What I need from you, because you all for the most part are decent people....real people that on voat helped me, and maybe you can now. So some you know from my past submissions of voat (adhdferret and later AR47) that i had a less than best childhood. Was beaten for al.ost a decade of myife when it began, and then some more by others. Just what it was, and my mother and step father were the ones that did this. There is documentation of it in court records when I was a ward of the state after the last beating that almost killed me. If you need accounts of this I can relay them to you in comments but I will warn you it is going to be hard to read. Today....she contacts me out of the blue telling me she has cancer and needs her affairs in order to make her will and she needs my contact info. Keep in mind she has never done a thing for me save giving me birth, but for that I have been her punching bag....lied to when there is documentation of the opposite. I told her no....I don't want anything from her. Gone this long without it, and I dont need it now. Asssume her role for what she has left and know that she is absolved from the burden of my well being. Then it starts.....the psychopath in her gets to working. Dismissive of all things.....saying that everyone else made shit up, and she was a good mother. The court, my father, and that she was forced to give me up....i.linked the court case as I have it scanned and saved....she says that isn't it. It is all made up.....that it is my fault I believed all those lies about her. Well last time she did see me was when I allowed her to hold my son and I got a picture of it, before she attacked my wife and I broke off all contact. I told her that if she does indeed believe in God then he will have the decision to forgive her and in so she can do it herself as well. I did long ago, and didn't want anything from her, but what she could have given me....a mother. When she does pass I will mourn her, and I am going to frame that picture of her and her grandson to place on her stone. Because I don't need to remember bad of a dead person...just for what she was that moment...what she did that day. Then she said I won't get a fucking thing from her ever.....people I cried and I dont do that....not from emotional shit. I bottle it up like a man does.....but I told her to just leave and take all that with her, as I didn't need her then, and I dont later. I burned a bridge. Fueled by my own tears, my own feelings and made the decision for my son along with it, which as a father I vowed not to do.....I don't see any other way to protect him from what she really is. So hopefully I did right....I don't know, but its done now. Thank you for reading this, and I value your input on this either way.

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[–] • 1 pt

Madness. Absolute madness. I'm sorry to hear that.

[–] [deleted] • 2 pts

Another one...my last time I was in her care.

Was watching Saturday morning cartoons eating my captian crunch....think it was transformers.

My half bother came in and was fucking with me, and I put up with it...until I didn't anymore.

I was older than him and rolled him on his back and held his arms down...was tapping him in the forehead over and over again.

He was screaming and mommy dearest came in and said I was trying to kill him. Step dad came in after a minute and pitched me through the wall....past the drywall and into the next room.

I got up and was done with it all. I knew there was nothing I could do at that point, but I wasn't going to fear him anymore.

He saw that in my eyes, and he didn't like it. So he grabbed me and put my over his lap, but I didn't scream and I didn't fight.

That is what he wanted and I wanted it to end. I remember just wanting to die...it was the only way it would end for me I thought.

The first hit with his belt buckle felt like fire....it was the base of my neck, the second was middle, and I remember that feeling of those first two.

Then I just gave in.....it stopped hurting and I remember looking at the outlet on the wall.

I remember looking at it until I couldn't focus on it anymore and then I got scared. The world was shaking and I didn't know why.

I woke up in a hospital bed a week later.

He hit me 27 times with that buckle and I had a seizure....after he was done and I wasn't responsive I was tossed out the window like trash.

A neighbor saw me by the trashcan bleeding from my ears and called 911 when she got home from work at 7pm.....

I will never be afraid and give up again in my life.

[–] • 0 pt

Jesus... I hope you get to live a long and happy life with your family.

Have you gotten any help dealing with this stuff?

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

There isn't any help i would get that is going to help with it.....unless she admits it.

Which she won't, and when she is gone....well that is that, and I honestly think I will then. She can't lie to me or herself anymore.

She will listen. It sounds stupid I know, but it is what I got....and that will be enough.

I got one more for you.

Winter 1986 and transformers was in full swing boi.

Was xmas and my dad (real dad) got me a present....I kept begging and step dad let me open it.

Was star scream pjs man....had the decepticon purple, and the logo...even had those slippers that go over your feet.

Was awesome AF as I was 7yo and on cloud 9. Called up dad and told him how cool they were and had mom take a picture of me...a Polaroid.

She had it last time I saw her too and she showed it to me....it hurt and you will see why in a bit.

So after the call they said clean the mess up....I said ok and picked up the newspaper wrapping as dad uses the comics section to this day with presents when he wraps them. Except for me. He doesn't do that anymore.

I picked up the box from Tg&Y the pjs were in and went to put it in the burn barrel...had to use the pool ladder to get up high enough to smash it down because I wasn't allowed to burn the stuff.

So after I was done I walked back in my tracks as it had snowed. And I didn't want to get wet.

Got to the door and it was locked...so I knocked and I knocked...no answer. Well we lived in a trailer house and the porch was long enough that I peeked in the window thinking it was a game.

Sneaking my head closer and closer, but they were watching TV...I raised my voice and no answer....day turned to dusk and I stayed there on the porch.....

I was crying at one point and my dog Sadie...big ass orange chow my dad got me when I was born was there....snow on her nose and she lurped me with that big black tounge.

I told her I didn't know what was happening...she scooted me to her dog house and got in my way so I could only get in there with her.

I laid down with her as I did often....crying and telling her what happened...expecting an answer from her...she just kept licking me with that tounge.

I fell asleep at some point and was woken up when step dad had grabbed me by my leg and pulled me out of her house.

He put me on the ground in front of him and slapped me so hard I tasted blood. Told me if I wanted to be an animal then I can be.

Well Sadie didn't like that....she bit the fuck out of his hand and then got between he and I. Growling the fuck around and find out...she had her chain as tight as it would go too.

He looked at me and then the dog, and walked back inside. Sadie gave me one last kiss....and looked at me as she knew what he was going to do.

He came back out and shot her in the head...she dropped in my lap...tounge rolled out of her head no love left in her.

Her feet twitched a few times and I screamed and screamed....I held her head and put my tiny hand over the entry wound trying to keep the blood in there but it was so much.

He spit on her and me...said something and got in his truck to leave....my mother came out and yelled at me for getting blood all over my new clothes....hitting me in the face and screaming she had to buy new ones so my dad didn't see it.

That was my worse day and why I dont like xmas and prefer Thanksgiving