Last time I was in Las Vegas I'd been eating free buffet shrimp all day and was absolutely wasted on mostly free rail drinks as my luck at the blackjack table had been decent and I was up $600. Heading up to my room wasted on the elevator w/ 4 other people I quoted Rorschach from the Watchmen and said... "I'm not stuck in here w/ you, you're stuck in here w/ me". I then proceeded to rip a highly suspect and dangerous booze fart mixed w/ like a pound of buffet shrimp. Would I blow out the filter and need a new pair of boxers? Would the other elevator denizens turn on me and begin attacking. We'll break down my victims, 2 were thots from a bachelorette party, 1 was an obnoxiously fat dude that was the reason no one else got on our 5 person elevator ride and waited for the next. Last dude was just some random Bellagio employee. It rips loud clean and true after my action movie quality bad ass action catchphrase. No mud on the backend. A simple loud and long brapping cloud of ass gas Olympic judges would have awarded only perfect tens assaults everyone present. 1st drunk thots freak out while the other gets trailer park mad screaming in my face. I have the calm and cool composure of a potato nigger so shitfaced he has no idea what's going on. Meanwhile, the biggun on this ride is laughing maniacally and bumping like half the people present w/ his rapidly expanding and contracting belly. My floors the first to come up on this ride of horrors. I couldn't match the alpha fart I'd ripped earlier while we were trapped, instead I exited w/ a superflous but brief toot that may have been the most brilliant example of comedic timing I've ever been privileged to witness. By the time everyone was trying to follow me onto my floor to escape... the trailer park crazy mad girl had other problems as her friend had vomited all over her and the Bellagio employee. I'd truly like to believe the vomit was the result of the fat dudes uncontrollable belly bumps hitting her back. Even I was disgusted by this fart, you know you've done something terrible when you can't stand your own brand. Surely after that much shrimp and self abuse it was my war crime level gassing of everyone present that made the hoochie hack. I stumbled to my room and passed out to the backdrop of 1 screeching thot, a crying vomit thot, the laughing fatman, and the poor silently stunned employee I can only assume was a bellhop or some shit. Despite my crime no one ever took me to task or banged on my door demanding explanation later. Maybe they did, I'll never know b/c I was just simply done and Lynyrd Skynyrd Gimme Three Steps was blaring as I entered to immediately pass out... ["Oh, won't you give me three steps, Gimme three steps a-mister, Gimme three steps towards the door? Gimme three steps Gimme three steps a-mister, And you'll never see a-me no more." Show me the back door.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwLCpLAYJpg) I received no complaints from hotel staff or anyone else the next morning during checkout. I truly felt this was a story you needed to hear at this point in your life. The stars aligned and the wind whispered to me that you needed this. Some men will deny the truth of what I did and claim I must be making it up. I'm just not that damn creative and would joke about a fart but never this much... Instead view it as my moment of Zen enlightenment. If You Meet The Buddha On The Road, “Kill Him” I transcended his wisdom and was blessed by a greater previously unknown truth. Sometimes I lie awake at night in terror b/c I'll never give less fucks than I did in that moment. I've peaked bro. @wawhite13 @pmyb2 @aou @starjello @boone @theodorekent also felt you guys could benefit from my moment in the garden.