not owning at least two Wolfgang's Patented Tinfoil Hats

Guaranteed to stop space aliens from finding you and giving you the probe! Stops the government from controlling your mind and making you gay for negroes! Also insulates your brain and is made from the finest Heavy Duty Reynolds Wrap and you can even wear one under a Super Helmet Seven.

Ya buncha dumb fucks, I fell and hurt my head because YOU weren't wearing one!!!