I think you clearly get a charge out of doing the dic pic thing which is a negative attention tactic. You might have been enjoying the shock value of doing a presentation where you suggest genociding people. That doesn’t mean you dont feel alienated and want to isolate much of the time. Im not huge into psychotherapy but I do think there are some useful methods they have for assessing yourself. I would suggest trying to analyze what personality category you fall into: the more unflinching you are in your self assessment the more useful the excercise will be. Learn what the weaknesses of your personality type are and figure out how to compensate for them. If you spend the rest of your life managing those weaknesses you will have a good chance of being happy. You clearly have a natural seductive charm which comes across even on a totally text based forum like this one. You keep breaking homo taboos in a highly anti-homo group but you are highly liked in spite of it because of that charm. Its a strength. It doesn’t mean you want to get close to people. Maybe you are afraid of your own impulsivity? Thats just a guess. I dont know you very well, but you do. Ill just give you advice I wish someone gave me 20 years ago. Don’t throw yourself in to your “differentness”, at least not all the time. Manage those weak areas. Be honest about what they are. Being alone does not get better as you age. That will be $125 for the head shrinkin, please.